I just turned in my last paper of the semester and I come into St. Paul on Tuesday! I am totally excited! However, I have a new major project in front of me: moving.
I am now moving from the dorms to the apartments. It is actually a little more expensive but I am ready for a change. The thing is that I have lived in the dorms for two years. I have had a difficult time finding a rhythmn that worked well for me to be honest. This summer in St. Paul I found a pattern that worked well for me: I shared a small apartment with my mother that was clean and simple. It was a nice place for me to work on my schoolwork on my own. In the evenings, I often went out with friends or had friends over. This was a rhythmn that I found that worked well for me. When I came back to Berkeley, I have had a very difficult time maintaining this kind of rhythmn. I have often felt like the going out on my own to escape the people I share a kitchen with and not really having space to have people over has been very difficult for me. I have had a hard time feeling like I am friends with the people that I live with. A lot of times when I am around it feels more like the way I need to behave on coffee hour at church then the way I want to behave in my home. While a certain level of respect and caution is not a bad thing regardless of where you are, I will admit that there is a certain level of comfort that I want in my own sense of home that I have not really been able to experience in sharing a space with people who are more like casual friends or people that I am merely trying to get a long with.
Honestly I had been feeling this way for a long time, but when the woman that I had a hard time living with my first semester in Berkeley moved in as my next door neighbor in the dorms, I started really thinking about making a change. After a lot of thought and many conversations, the decision for me to move to the apartments seemed like a good thing. And here's the thing: I will have my very own place as well.
I have never lived alone. And I think much of my life I never anticipated living alone. Finanically I am thinking what the hell am I doing. Also, I have noticed anytime I move somewhere new social anxieties seem to come up, but I always wind up being more than fine. Yet I realize that especially because I had hoped to be at Luther next semester, having a change in enviornment would be very good for me. I think that I am ready for a change. I am excited to live independently. However I am thinking what on earth am I doing by doing this?
I also realize that I have a lot to pack and such as well. Moving never comes at a good time, but I count my blessings that it is just a change of scenery as I have noticed that frequently moves tend to be associated with a change of job or a change of maritial status. I am not making any major adjustments in that regard, I am just feeling a little tired from the semesters end.
I just turned in my last paper for the semester, and now I am going to start moving my stuff from the dorm to the apartment! I am a little scared, but I am very excited. I think that this is going to be good for me!!! But I am also going: what the hell am i thinking as I am reflecting over everything as well...
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Nonviolence is A Lutheran Ethic
I have shared on this blog a lot of the stuff that I have written for my contemplation and work with nonviolence. So I thought you'd enjoy the last paper that I wrote this semester:
NONVIOLENCE IS A LUTHERAN ETHIC
By Betsy Dreier
I love Lutheran theology, it just resonates with me quite well. It explains the world that we live in quite well I think. However, I have often struggled with wanting to do things that makes the world a better place when Lutheran theology stresses that there is not anything that we need to do to receive salvation from God. Yet this semester, in reflecting over the principles of nonviolence and what it really does mean to be Lutheran, I have found them to be quite compatible with each other.
In the Pace e Bene Engage book, it starts out by saying that “nonviolence does not assume that we live in a nonviolent world.” Yet nonviolence is something that we can and should totally aspire for. One of the central theological principles of Lutheranism is that everyone is a sinner, and yet there is nothing we can do to atone for our own sins. This is something that God takes care of for us through the gift of the Son, Jesus Christ who atones for our sins. The question that can come about from this then is how is this linked to nonviolence? The thing is that no one is ever going to be completely nonviolent, because we live in a violent world.
Our world is based on so much violence and social inequality that no one is able to completely break free from it. We can, and should become more conscious of it and try to make choices that are loving and nonviolent whenever possible, however, no one is going to ever live up to this perfectly. For example, as I reflect on my own life, the decision to be a seminary student and to work in the church is a decision that I have made to try to work and make this world a better place. However, I am not making any money at this point in my life right now because of these decisions. As a result, when I do need to make decisions about my expenses, the question of what kind of product is the cheapest for me to buy often becomes the central question instead of what is the most sustainable option for me to do. Another example that to work at a church that is very socially aware in Oakland, I have to drive from Berkeley on a regular basis when I am aware of the ecological crisis that our world is facing. These are the examples of the way in which violence is really ingrained in the context of our society and that even though I am aware of the consequences of my actions from an ecological and economical perspective, I seriously am not sure if I am able to escape from these social ills in which that I am aware of. This makes me think that violence is not dissimilar from the notions of sin, as one of the beautiful prayers in the Lutheran hymnal says, “we are in bondage to sin and cannot free ourselves.” This is similar to Luther’s notion of sin and how we are never able to fully escape it on our own accord. It is through the grace of Jesus Christ in which we are free from it, not on our own account. There is a lot of violence in the world that we live in.
I find it incredibly helpful to look at violence from the perspective of sin. It is one of the ways in which we are often sinning. Repeatedly, in all of the literature that I read this semester, one of the main ways in which violence begins or is communicated, is through not looking at another person as another human being who deserves respect. It is the dehumanizing of another person or the disrespect of another person that is what causes violence in our world. Even in being aware of this and wanting to break free from this kind of cycle, no one is able to live up to this perfectly. It can be because of just trying to survive and to take care of yourself, it can be because of the ways in which lives become busy, and the list can go on and on. I think that people can become a lot more aware of the ways in which they are perpetuating violence and to try to live nonviolently, but no one is able to break free from this completely.
In Lutheran circles, talking about nonviolence sometimes makes people feel very nervous however. They really do understand the notions that we are sinners quite well, I think most people would totally agree with me that violence can be equated with sin. However, what makes people feel nervous in discussing this in the realm of Lutheran theology is that there is the fear that the message that it is what God does for us that atones for our sins, which is central to Lutheran theology, would be lost. I have met people who fear that this could become a way in which salvation has to be earned, and not a gift from God. Also, parts of the Book of Concord, which are the collection of documents in which the Lutheran church is theologically based on can be cited in support of not necessarily wanting to adopt views of nonviolence. In one of the documents, called the Augsburg Confession, it reads that “Christians are permitted to…impose just punishments, to wage just war, to serve as soldiers.”[1] This is a message that has been used in skepticism towards nonviolence.
I would argue, however, that this is a misunderstanding of what nonviolence is. I would also argue that this is a misunderstanding of the Lutheran way of living, which is quite compatible with notions of nonviolence.
When people hear that I have been doing this work with nonviolence, I have often gotten the questions similar to “if someone broke into your house what would you do then to protect yourself and your family?” In working on the nonviolent stories project, this was a question that John Cummings even said that he had frequently received from people when telling them the kind of work that he was doing with Pace e Bene. (I may have even been one of the people asking him a question like this at one point in time as I was trying to understand what he was doing). In asking this kind of question, a misconception of nonviolence that is portrayed is this: that nonviolence is about being passive, that nonviolence is allowing for injustices to occur.
The actual truth is that nonviolence is about being active, and is very concerned with justice. Gandhi is a very important person to study in light of understanding nonviolence. He has this notion of satyagraha. Some of the principles of this is the power of truth and self suffering. But the point of it is to win over the opponent and to transform society. Actually in notions of satyagraha there is no room for cowardly behavior and injustice? In fact, Rynne points out in his book . Gandhi and Jesus: The Saving Power of Nonviolence that “Gandhi maintained that it was better to be violent than to be a coward, while always maintaining the superiority of nonviolence.”
In these notions of nonviolence that are important to consider, there is plenty of room for justice. In fact, nonviolence is supposed to be addressing issues that are related to justice. And justice acts out of love. Repeatedly this semester, I came across notions that nonviolence is love in action. To really love someone is to speak on behalf of justice on their behalf, not to . To really love someone is to find ways to find ways to work through differences, not to ignore them. This is what nonviolence is about. Nonviolence is not passive, it is active. It is about really loving other people and being concerned about their well being.
This is the point in which these notions of nonviolence really intersect very well with Lutheran theology. God has given us an unconditional act of love by atoning for our sins through the gift of this love through his son Jesus Christ. This love that was given to us must be given to the rest of the world. One of the central points to Lutheran ethics is the love of our neighbor. In his work, The Freedom of A Christian, Martin Luther says that “A Christian lives not in [themselves] but in Christ and in [their] neighbor. Otherwise [one] is not a Christian. [One] lives in Christ through faith, in his neighbor through love. By faith [one] is caught up beyond himself into God. By love [one] descends beneath [themselves] into [their] neighbor.” Lutherans are concerned about their neighbor because of the love that God has bestowed to them. Christ died on the cross for the sake of the sins of the world. The Lutheran understanding of this is that this is a gift that has been given to us. There is nothing that we can do for it. This is the ultimate gift of love. There is nothing that needs to be done for this gift at all.
However, since this is the ultimate gift, this is a gift that needs to be shared with the world. This is shared with acting as loving as possible to our neighbor. This is done by speaking up for injustice on our neighbor’s behalf. This is done by respecting our neighbor for who they are and understanding and reconciling differences. This is done by being aware of how our day to day actions really do effect the people who are surrounding us. While this is not the point in which we obtain salvation, it is a way in which the salvation that we have received is shared to the rest of the world.
Love in action that Lutherans are called to live out to the world is nonviolence. However, as I said earlier everyone is a sinner. This world is not exempt from violence by any means. We will always be plagued by violence in this world. No one is ever going to be able to escape notions of sin, which are also notions of violence fully. The good news is that God had given the gift of his son, Jesus to liberate us from these sins. However these are not excuses for being apathetic to violence in this world or not trying to change our ways. Rather, it should be an excuse for intentionality and trying to live differently because of what has been done for us through the gift of Jesus Christ. As nonviolence really uplifts notions of love and justice, so do does Lutheran theology. Knowing this gift that God has given us, we are to reach out in love to the rest of the world with a sincere love and concern for our neighbor. This ethic is actually identical to the notions of what nonviolence is truly about. Nonviolence really is a Lutheran ethic!
NONVIOLENCE IS A LUTHERAN ETHIC
By Betsy Dreier
I love Lutheran theology, it just resonates with me quite well. It explains the world that we live in quite well I think. However, I have often struggled with wanting to do things that makes the world a better place when Lutheran theology stresses that there is not anything that we need to do to receive salvation from God. Yet this semester, in reflecting over the principles of nonviolence and what it really does mean to be Lutheran, I have found them to be quite compatible with each other.
In the Pace e Bene Engage book, it starts out by saying that “nonviolence does not assume that we live in a nonviolent world.” Yet nonviolence is something that we can and should totally aspire for. One of the central theological principles of Lutheranism is that everyone is a sinner, and yet there is nothing we can do to atone for our own sins. This is something that God takes care of for us through the gift of the Son, Jesus Christ who atones for our sins. The question that can come about from this then is how is this linked to nonviolence? The thing is that no one is ever going to be completely nonviolent, because we live in a violent world.
Our world is based on so much violence and social inequality that no one is able to completely break free from it. We can, and should become more conscious of it and try to make choices that are loving and nonviolent whenever possible, however, no one is going to ever live up to this perfectly. For example, as I reflect on my own life, the decision to be a seminary student and to work in the church is a decision that I have made to try to work and make this world a better place. However, I am not making any money at this point in my life right now because of these decisions. As a result, when I do need to make decisions about my expenses, the question of what kind of product is the cheapest for me to buy often becomes the central question instead of what is the most sustainable option for me to do. Another example that to work at a church that is very socially aware in Oakland, I have to drive from Berkeley on a regular basis when I am aware of the ecological crisis that our world is facing. These are the examples of the way in which violence is really ingrained in the context of our society and that even though I am aware of the consequences of my actions from an ecological and economical perspective, I seriously am not sure if I am able to escape from these social ills in which that I am aware of. This makes me think that violence is not dissimilar from the notions of sin, as one of the beautiful prayers in the Lutheran hymnal says, “we are in bondage to sin and cannot free ourselves.” This is similar to Luther’s notion of sin and how we are never able to fully escape it on our own accord. It is through the grace of Jesus Christ in which we are free from it, not on our own account. There is a lot of violence in the world that we live in.
I find it incredibly helpful to look at violence from the perspective of sin. It is one of the ways in which we are often sinning. Repeatedly, in all of the literature that I read this semester, one of the main ways in which violence begins or is communicated, is through not looking at another person as another human being who deserves respect. It is the dehumanizing of another person or the disrespect of another person that is what causes violence in our world. Even in being aware of this and wanting to break free from this kind of cycle, no one is able to live up to this perfectly. It can be because of just trying to survive and to take care of yourself, it can be because of the ways in which lives become busy, and the list can go on and on. I think that people can become a lot more aware of the ways in which they are perpetuating violence and to try to live nonviolently, but no one is able to break free from this completely.
In Lutheran circles, talking about nonviolence sometimes makes people feel very nervous however. They really do understand the notions that we are sinners quite well, I think most people would totally agree with me that violence can be equated with sin. However, what makes people feel nervous in discussing this in the realm of Lutheran theology is that there is the fear that the message that it is what God does for us that atones for our sins, which is central to Lutheran theology, would be lost. I have met people who fear that this could become a way in which salvation has to be earned, and not a gift from God. Also, parts of the Book of Concord, which are the collection of documents in which the Lutheran church is theologically based on can be cited in support of not necessarily wanting to adopt views of nonviolence. In one of the documents, called the Augsburg Confession, it reads that “Christians are permitted to…impose just punishments, to wage just war, to serve as soldiers.”[1] This is a message that has been used in skepticism towards nonviolence.
I would argue, however, that this is a misunderstanding of what nonviolence is. I would also argue that this is a misunderstanding of the Lutheran way of living, which is quite compatible with notions of nonviolence.
When people hear that I have been doing this work with nonviolence, I have often gotten the questions similar to “if someone broke into your house what would you do then to protect yourself and your family?” In working on the nonviolent stories project, this was a question that John Cummings even said that he had frequently received from people when telling them the kind of work that he was doing with Pace e Bene. (I may have even been one of the people asking him a question like this at one point in time as I was trying to understand what he was doing). In asking this kind of question, a misconception of nonviolence that is portrayed is this: that nonviolence is about being passive, that nonviolence is allowing for injustices to occur.
The actual truth is that nonviolence is about being active, and is very concerned with justice. Gandhi is a very important person to study in light of understanding nonviolence. He has this notion of satyagraha. Some of the principles of this is the power of truth and self suffering. But the point of it is to win over the opponent and to transform society. Actually in notions of satyagraha there is no room for cowardly behavior and injustice? In fact, Rynne points out in his book . Gandhi and Jesus: The Saving Power of Nonviolence that “Gandhi maintained that it was better to be violent than to be a coward, while always maintaining the superiority of nonviolence.”
In these notions of nonviolence that are important to consider, there is plenty of room for justice. In fact, nonviolence is supposed to be addressing issues that are related to justice. And justice acts out of love. Repeatedly this semester, I came across notions that nonviolence is love in action. To really love someone is to speak on behalf of justice on their behalf, not to . To really love someone is to find ways to find ways to work through differences, not to ignore them. This is what nonviolence is about. Nonviolence is not passive, it is active. It is about really loving other people and being concerned about their well being.
This is the point in which these notions of nonviolence really intersect very well with Lutheran theology. God has given us an unconditional act of love by atoning for our sins through the gift of this love through his son Jesus Christ. This love that was given to us must be given to the rest of the world. One of the central points to Lutheran ethics is the love of our neighbor. In his work, The Freedom of A Christian, Martin Luther says that “A Christian lives not in [themselves] but in Christ and in [their] neighbor. Otherwise [one] is not a Christian. [One] lives in Christ through faith, in his neighbor through love. By faith [one] is caught up beyond himself into God. By love [one] descends beneath [themselves] into [their] neighbor.” Lutherans are concerned about their neighbor because of the love that God has bestowed to them. Christ died on the cross for the sake of the sins of the world. The Lutheran understanding of this is that this is a gift that has been given to us. There is nothing that we can do for it. This is the ultimate gift of love. There is nothing that needs to be done for this gift at all.
However, since this is the ultimate gift, this is a gift that needs to be shared with the world. This is shared with acting as loving as possible to our neighbor. This is done by speaking up for injustice on our neighbor’s behalf. This is done by respecting our neighbor for who they are and understanding and reconciling differences. This is done by being aware of how our day to day actions really do effect the people who are surrounding us. While this is not the point in which we obtain salvation, it is a way in which the salvation that we have received is shared to the rest of the world.
Love in action that Lutherans are called to live out to the world is nonviolence. However, as I said earlier everyone is a sinner. This world is not exempt from violence by any means. We will always be plagued by violence in this world. No one is ever going to be able to escape notions of sin, which are also notions of violence fully. The good news is that God had given the gift of his son, Jesus to liberate us from these sins. However these are not excuses for being apathetic to violence in this world or not trying to change our ways. Rather, it should be an excuse for intentionality and trying to live differently because of what has been done for us through the gift of Jesus Christ. As nonviolence really uplifts notions of love and justice, so do does Lutheran theology. Knowing this gift that God has given us, we are to reach out in love to the rest of the world with a sincere love and concern for our neighbor. This ethic is actually identical to the notions of what nonviolence is truly about. Nonviolence really is a Lutheran ethic!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Dreams from my past and dreams of my future
Seven years ago, I was a junior at Luther College. I had a serious boyfriend, who I met at camp. He wanted desperately to marry me. Around this same time, I had gotten really into working with the anti-war movement on campus and Amnesty International. I found myself running with a group of activists in this time at Luther quite a bit. Here, I had met a dashing young man who shared this kind of passion that I had, and he wound up asking me on a date. I turned him down, although I wanted to say yes. This is when I heard about the School of Americas (see www.soaw.org) through my work with Amnesty. I went in a group to go to the protest in Fort Benning, Georgia because I felt like I had to. It was there that I found my sense of calling into ministry really and I felt really fueled by this vision that I had for the world.
Although there was a lot of confusion at this period of time as well---I had worked hard on my voice and I did not make the choir that I had hoped to make that particular year. It was that year that I declared the major that I wound up sticking with (after alot of deliberation) in sociology. I found myself torn between all kinds of things as I was deliberating what kind of career I would pursue. I found my heart torn between my love for the arts and my passion to want to make the world a better place. I found myself rejecting the models of Christianity that I had experienced at camp. All of this was confusing for me. I also found my heart torn in a variety of directions in manners of romance. It broke my heart that the man who wanted to marry me was not supportive of this radical vision that I had for the world. It was hard to see that the person who did share my vision of the world was only really interested in one date at a point in time when I was not availible.
It was a very confusing period of time for me to be quite honest. Sometimes I think that my heart was actually never fully restored from this particular year until very recently in my time in seminary. However, in the midst of all of this confusion, sometime before Thanksgiving, I found myself falling asleep and I had a bizarre dream. I found myself dreaming that I lived in California and I was doing work with community organizing and nonviolence, and that I was married to a pastor with dark hair who spoke Spanish. (that's all I remember). I remember waking up with a start, thinking that if I did not resolve everything appropriately, that this is what I would wind up being. I think that I did not want to think that any of the work I was doing would end, that any of the people I was with I would part from, that I would have the audacity to go so far away from the midwest.
I forgot about this dream for a long time. I forgot about this confusion for a long time. A few days before Thanksgiving break this year, I had another dream. Suddenly I had flashed back in time to that year at Luther College. I remembered the confusion I had about my career, the heartache that I had from the events of lost friendship and romance over the choices that I had made, the lack of support from the camp community that had meant so much to me. It was like I was reliving everything very vividly.
I wondered if the variety of events that had taken place this semester had triggered this, along with the fact that most of the significant drama had taken place at this point in time in the year. I could not help but think of the fact that Barack Obama is the president elect. I could not help but think of the fact that I am working at a parish that has been dedicated to a strong community organizing model of leadership and of dealing with social justice in their church's ministry. I could not help but think of the fact that at this parish I also sing in the choir where I am singing in German again for the first time in years. I could not help but think of the fact that I have tried dating again but can not seem to shake off my vision for the world in being a Christian dedicated to social justice and critical thinking. I could not help but think of the fact that I am working at Pace e Bene who is sent people to the School of Americas protest and is dedicated to nonviolence all around the world. All kinds of things could have triggered all of this.
For some reason although all of this stuff happened seven years ago, it suddenly seemed a lot more close to me now that it had previously with these variety of events that have taken place in my life. I found myself working through the reminents of some of these heartaches that I have taken with me through the years. But then I remembered that other dream that I had. The one that I mentioned about being in California. And now, I find myself having goosebumps. The goosebumps are at this particular realization: although it seemed like just a bizarre dream at the time, I found myself realizing that save the marrying the pastor and speaking Spanish, a large majority of this dream has already come true. At the time, I thought that it was a warning dream, but apparently it was one of my more prescient dreams.
And, its funny because I realize that for me that one of the next big steps in the work that I beleive in is actually learning Spanish. It would be important for both my interest in the missional church and in my passion for social justice to be quite honest. So while that part hasn't come true yet, I see the importance of it.
So in an odd way, I feel like I have finally acheived a certain level of healing from all of this that I think I thought I would never find. And I have this sense, that despite all of my protestations of being away from the midwest and being away from my seminary class that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. The whole thing seems a little eerie I suppose, but I think that I am on my way to fulfilling my life's ultimate destiny and I do not know if I ever really want to lose sight of this again. In an odd way, I feel like maybe I have fully found myself again and I have no clue how God is really going to use me or who is going to come my way. And I think this time, I have surrounded myself with people who are more mature. It has not been without heartache and disappointment at times, but I think that everyone I have met seems to be a lot more respectful.
And I realize that I am doing what God wants me to ultimately do. In reflecting over all of this, I think that I have found a sense of peace finally that I think I lost in 2001. I have looked for this for a long time, and I think I fiinally found it. It is here that I can say: hope does not disappoint.
Although there was a lot of confusion at this period of time as well---I had worked hard on my voice and I did not make the choir that I had hoped to make that particular year. It was that year that I declared the major that I wound up sticking with (after alot of deliberation) in sociology. I found myself torn between all kinds of things as I was deliberating what kind of career I would pursue. I found my heart torn between my love for the arts and my passion to want to make the world a better place. I found myself rejecting the models of Christianity that I had experienced at camp. All of this was confusing for me. I also found my heart torn in a variety of directions in manners of romance. It broke my heart that the man who wanted to marry me was not supportive of this radical vision that I had for the world. It was hard to see that the person who did share my vision of the world was only really interested in one date at a point in time when I was not availible.
It was a very confusing period of time for me to be quite honest. Sometimes I think that my heart was actually never fully restored from this particular year until very recently in my time in seminary. However, in the midst of all of this confusion, sometime before Thanksgiving, I found myself falling asleep and I had a bizarre dream. I found myself dreaming that I lived in California and I was doing work with community organizing and nonviolence, and that I was married to a pastor with dark hair who spoke Spanish. (that's all I remember). I remember waking up with a start, thinking that if I did not resolve everything appropriately, that this is what I would wind up being. I think that I did not want to think that any of the work I was doing would end, that any of the people I was with I would part from, that I would have the audacity to go so far away from the midwest.
I forgot about this dream for a long time. I forgot about this confusion for a long time. A few days before Thanksgiving break this year, I had another dream. Suddenly I had flashed back in time to that year at Luther College. I remembered the confusion I had about my career, the heartache that I had from the events of lost friendship and romance over the choices that I had made, the lack of support from the camp community that had meant so much to me. It was like I was reliving everything very vividly.
I wondered if the variety of events that had taken place this semester had triggered this, along with the fact that most of the significant drama had taken place at this point in time in the year. I could not help but think of the fact that Barack Obama is the president elect. I could not help but think of the fact that I am working at a parish that has been dedicated to a strong community organizing model of leadership and of dealing with social justice in their church's ministry. I could not help but think of the fact that at this parish I also sing in the choir where I am singing in German again for the first time in years. I could not help but think of the fact that I have tried dating again but can not seem to shake off my vision for the world in being a Christian dedicated to social justice and critical thinking. I could not help but think of the fact that I am working at Pace e Bene who is sent people to the School of Americas protest and is dedicated to nonviolence all around the world. All kinds of things could have triggered all of this.
For some reason although all of this stuff happened seven years ago, it suddenly seemed a lot more close to me now that it had previously with these variety of events that have taken place in my life. I found myself working through the reminents of some of these heartaches that I have taken with me through the years. But then I remembered that other dream that I had. The one that I mentioned about being in California. And now, I find myself having goosebumps. The goosebumps are at this particular realization: although it seemed like just a bizarre dream at the time, I found myself realizing that save the marrying the pastor and speaking Spanish, a large majority of this dream has already come true. At the time, I thought that it was a warning dream, but apparently it was one of my more prescient dreams.
And, its funny because I realize that for me that one of the next big steps in the work that I beleive in is actually learning Spanish. It would be important for both my interest in the missional church and in my passion for social justice to be quite honest. So while that part hasn't come true yet, I see the importance of it.
So in an odd way, I feel like I have finally acheived a certain level of healing from all of this that I think I thought I would never find. And I have this sense, that despite all of my protestations of being away from the midwest and being away from my seminary class that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. The whole thing seems a little eerie I suppose, but I think that I am on my way to fulfilling my life's ultimate destiny and I do not know if I ever really want to lose sight of this again. In an odd way, I feel like maybe I have fully found myself again and I have no clue how God is really going to use me or who is going to come my way. And I think this time, I have surrounded myself with people who are more mature. It has not been without heartache and disappointment at times, but I think that everyone I have met seems to be a lot more respectful.
And I realize that I am doing what God wants me to ultimately do. In reflecting over all of this, I think that I have found a sense of peace finally that I think I lost in 2001. I have looked for this for a long time, and I think I fiinally found it. It is here that I can say: hope does not disappoint.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Definition
It seems to me that so much of intellectual conversations revolve around the definition of a word that can be interpreted abstractly, ie. what is postmodernism, what is lutheranism, what is culture, what is marriage, etc. The more I learn the more I realize that there are no definite definitions as much as I feel like I am given the tools to understand the way that these kinds of things come about.
There are several ways to approach these conversations around words. One way is to really strive to understand how the other person's definition came to be. This is when you discover things like their life experiences, the books they have read, the people they have met and what their vision for the world is. Are they coming at the definition from a historical perspective? a sociological or anthropological perspective? From the perspective as a linguist or a writer? Are they coming at if from having experienced something first hand or from having seen someone else experience it? Are they coming at the definition as a realist, an optimist or a pessimist? I actually find it fascinating to see the kinds of things that make people come to the conclusions that they come to and to see the kinds of connecting points that they have.
The other way to approach this is to be able to defend your definition at all costs. This is when you think you know what your own defintion is and you will stand by it at all costs. And typically, it is our perception of an experience that we have had or have witnessed someone we care about go through that makes have the perceptions that we can not shake off at all. Sometimes we may not have thought we have experienced something but we may have read something or watched something that really resonated with us. These are the definitions that we will cling to the most. The real question becomes then, what is most important: to make sure your voice is heard or to make sure that you understand what the other person is saying??? My own opinion is that it is an attitude of discernment, and I would rather err on the end of understanding the other person than on trying to make sure that my perspective is taken as a fact.
I guess I am thinking about this in light of thinking about my classes, in light of thinking about ministry, in light of thinking about my family and my friendships. These kinds of thoughts can actually make someone's brain hurt a lot though because at what point are you not analyzing things if everything is subjective and needing some kind of a definition?? And yet these kinds of conversations can be a lot of fun if they are dealt with respectfully as well. The most stimulating kinds are when there is a mutual amount of give and take in these kinds of conversations. And before you know it, the conversation becomes a part of the collective experience that can make you draw a new definition as well if you are going to try to encompass that into the realm of opinion. Ouch! My brain hurts right now....
There are several ways to approach these conversations around words. One way is to really strive to understand how the other person's definition came to be. This is when you discover things like their life experiences, the books they have read, the people they have met and what their vision for the world is. Are they coming at the definition from a historical perspective? a sociological or anthropological perspective? From the perspective as a linguist or a writer? Are they coming at if from having experienced something first hand or from having seen someone else experience it? Are they coming at the definition as a realist, an optimist or a pessimist? I actually find it fascinating to see the kinds of things that make people come to the conclusions that they come to and to see the kinds of connecting points that they have.
The other way to approach this is to be able to defend your definition at all costs. This is when you think you know what your own defintion is and you will stand by it at all costs. And typically, it is our perception of an experience that we have had or have witnessed someone we care about go through that makes have the perceptions that we can not shake off at all. Sometimes we may not have thought we have experienced something but we may have read something or watched something that really resonated with us. These are the definitions that we will cling to the most. The real question becomes then, what is most important: to make sure your voice is heard or to make sure that you understand what the other person is saying??? My own opinion is that it is an attitude of discernment, and I would rather err on the end of understanding the other person than on trying to make sure that my perspective is taken as a fact.
I guess I am thinking about this in light of thinking about my classes, in light of thinking about ministry, in light of thinking about my family and my friendships. These kinds of thoughts can actually make someone's brain hurt a lot though because at what point are you not analyzing things if everything is subjective and needing some kind of a definition?? And yet these kinds of conversations can be a lot of fun if they are dealt with respectfully as well. The most stimulating kinds are when there is a mutual amount of give and take in these kinds of conversations. And before you know it, the conversation becomes a part of the collective experience that can make you draw a new definition as well if you are going to try to encompass that into the realm of opinion. Ouch! My brain hurts right now....
Sunday, November 30, 2008
What if Starbucks Marketed Like a Church? A Parable.
Hilarious and true....
Ironically, I saw this around the time that I introduced my parents to the PLTS worshipping community at someone else's prompt. Again on my list of things that I think forces the church to examine itself... Thanks mom for showing this to me!!!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thanksgiving 2008
The top things I am thankful for this year:
My parents and my brother are visiting Berkeley this thanksgiving. I'm always thankful for my family, I think they are all wonderful. I am also thankful for my sister who is studying for the GREs this week.
Barack Obama won the presidential election.
Mission developing class this summer: I made new friends, new connections and had restored my sense of call to ordained ministry even if I am called to something more nonconventional.
Gas prices are going down.
My Pace e Bene Internship.
All the trips that I have made this past year: Chicago, Saint Paul, L.A. and Napa
Friendships that are maintained in spite of distance.
That I am still on my own two feet (its only been 4 years since my 2004 accident)
A really awesome teaching parish site. (which has also affirmed my call to ordained ministry)
The gift my singleness has given me of opportunities, friendships and personal growth. (although this does not mean that i would not refuse to be in a healthy relationship--i am just playing the thankful card right now)
I go to school on a goregous campus. (my family says that PLTS reminds them of Holden)
I do love the life of being a student: reading interesting things, going to interesting lectures, meeting interesting people and the opportunities to travel. Its easy to forget how much I love these things when I am overwhelmed by my debt load and a lack of sleep.
My family is so supportive to me.
I do have enough money for all of my living expenses and a little fun as a student (as long as nothing major happens.)
Last but not least: God is always good! Even in my times of struggle, God has worked it for good in my life.
My parents and my brother are visiting Berkeley this thanksgiving. I'm always thankful for my family, I think they are all wonderful. I am also thankful for my sister who is studying for the GREs this week.
Barack Obama won the presidential election.
Mission developing class this summer: I made new friends, new connections and had restored my sense of call to ordained ministry even if I am called to something more nonconventional.
Gas prices are going down.
My Pace e Bene Internship.
All the trips that I have made this past year: Chicago, Saint Paul, L.A. and Napa
Friendships that are maintained in spite of distance.
That I am still on my own two feet (its only been 4 years since my 2004 accident)
A really awesome teaching parish site. (which has also affirmed my call to ordained ministry)
The gift my singleness has given me of opportunities, friendships and personal growth. (although this does not mean that i would not refuse to be in a healthy relationship--i am just playing the thankful card right now)
I go to school on a goregous campus. (my family says that PLTS reminds them of Holden)
I do love the life of being a student: reading interesting things, going to interesting lectures, meeting interesting people and the opportunities to travel. Its easy to forget how much I love these things when I am overwhelmed by my debt load and a lack of sleep.
My family is so supportive to me.
I do have enough money for all of my living expenses and a little fun as a student (as long as nothing major happens.)
Last but not least: God is always good! Even in my times of struggle, God has worked it for good in my life.
Thanksgiving Sermon
My Thanksgiving sermon at my teaching parish:
Luke 17:11-19, Psalm 65
The lepers in this text asked Jesus for healing and Jesus granted it to them. There really were no strings attached to this gift that Jesus gave them. He did tell them to go show themselves to the priests. This was because it was priests that certified that people were healed. However, Jesus did not tell them “I will heal you only if you change your habits,” or “I will heal you only if you change your attitude.” Jesus gave the gift of healing to them unconditionally when the lepers asked him to have mercy on them. It was a gift that was given with no strings attached.
One of the commentaries that I read on this particular text posed the question: why rebuke the lepers for not returning when they were commanded to go and in that obedience the lepers were healed?
I can not help but wonder if Jesus felt disappointed that the other 9 did not take the time to come and say thank you.
In the first season of the television show “Desperate Housewives”, Bree Van De Kamp and her husband Rex are in marriage counseling together. Bree is a really good housewife, but her husband is accusing her of using housework as a means to not communicate her feelings more. Later, she goes and sees the counselor by herself. She gets into a conversation about Freud with her counselor. In this conversation, she says that Freud’s mother “had to do everything by hand, just back breaking work from sun up to sun down” in addition to making sacrifices. She poses the question to her counselor, “he saw how hard she worked. He saw what she did for him. Did he ever even think to say thank you? I doubt it.” Later, when she and her husband Rex are in counseling together the counselor looks at her husband and says “I am curious do you ever acknowledge the benefits of living with Bree? By your own admission, your home is always clean your clothes are always freshly pressed, she sounds like a wonderful cook, despite her flaws, do you ever remember to say thank you?”
At this, Bree smiles because that is what she wanted: to have someone say thank you for all the work that she is doing. She wondered if she was acknowledged by her husband for the work that she did for him. While she never demanded a thank you, a thank you would have been something that would have went a long way for her in acknowledging what she did do for her husband.
This may have been similar to what Jesus thought about the nine people who did not come back to thank him in this text. He probably was having that same sense of wondering if the other lepers acknowledged what he had just done for them with the gift of healing. A thank you was not mandatory however Jesus had just given these 10 lepers an amazing gift: the gift of healing.
Have you ever felt like Bree in thinking that the people you live with do not acknowledge the things you do for them? Have you ever given someone a gift that did not get a thank you? Have you ever spent time listening to someone or doing something for someone that you felt was not acknowledged? Perhaps this is how Jesus may have felt about the nine people that did not thank him for the healing. In any relationship, taking the other person for granted can weaken the relationship as the feeling of not being acknowledged can be painful. While taking time to thank the other person for what they do for us can help deepen the relationship. Jesus wanted more of a relationship with the other 9 lepers, and wants more of a relationship with us.
However one person came back to him and thanked him in our gospel story today. It was the Samaritan in the group that came back to thank him. The other 9 were more than likely Jews. The Samaritan was considered a foreigner. The fact that it was the Samaritan who came back to say thank you was not insignificant. The Samaritan was showing evidence of being grateful to what he was able to receive where he was living. The Samaritan made that extra step to show gratitude to Jesus. The psalm for today says, “Make a joyful noise to God, all the earth; sing glory of his name; give to him glorious praise. Say to God, How awesome are your deeds.” This is probably what the Samaritan did when he was at Jesus’ feet. This was significant for him and he felt the need to praise Jesus for this gift of healing. It was in his gratefulness that he was able to develop more of a relationship with Jesus as well. It is because he acknowledged Jesus and the wonderful powers Jesus had blessed him with. He was living out what the psalmist was feeling as well, “blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer.” His prayer and request were granted to him and he was glorifying Jesus. The other nine are the contrast to him because they took this gift that Jesus had given to them for granted.
At the time of Thanksgiving, we all are aware of the things in our lives that we are thankful for. As Christians, we take this a step further. We are not just thankful for things in our lives and looking for a special celebration. As Christians, we are thankful to God as well for being our creator and giving us the things in our lives. We do this because God desires to have a relationship with us, and this is one of the ways we strengthen our relationship with God: by giving thanks.
Yet Thanksgiving may not an easy time of year either. Holidays are difficult when poverty is in our own home. The current state of our economy may be leaving us wondering when poverty might hit us if it hasn’t hit us already which may make a holiday feel less festive than usual. Holidays can be a difficult time when we have experienced a family member’s death or separation or divorce from a significant other. It may be a painful time of year, so being asked to be thankful in the midst of a hurtful situation may be difficult.
But there is something that never changes that we can always be thankful for. God has given the gift of the son, Jesus Christ who died for the sake of our sins. This never changes, even if other things in our lives have changed. One of the ways that we are reminded of this gift is through the sacrament of baptism. We were lucky to be able to witness this was through Samantha’s baptism on Sunday, as we are able to think of God washing away our own sins as well. Thanking God for the gift of salvation through Jesus is showing gratitude for the ultimate gift of forgiveness which God has given us. It’s something we can always be thankful for even when its difficult to be thankful for other things.
God is also our creator. God made us and gave us the gift of life. This gift of creation is something else that we can be thankful for. God made this earth and everything in it. This includes flowers, trees, bodies of water and mountains, and countless other beautiful things. Acknowledging this gift of creation of our lives and the beauty of the earth is a way to show God how grateful that we are for what God has made.
God still gives other blessings in our lives as well. Today, I know that I am thankful to have family here today, to be a part of this Resurrection community, and that gas prices are going down. Take a moment and consider what you are thankful to God for today?
Try not let this attitude of thanking God for the blessings in your life be relegated to only one day. This may be challenging. Yet it can be simple as well. We can be thankful for our daily bread that we pray for in the Lord’s prayer. When Martin Luther answers what daily bread is he responds with a long list: “Everything that in the necessities and nourishment for our bodies, such as food, drink, clothing, shoes, house, farm, fields, livestock, money, property, a house, a spouse, children, faithful rulers, good government, good weather, peace, health, decency, honor, good friends, faithful neighbors and the like.” The daily bread of our lives are things that we can be continuously thankful for. It is through these gifts that we are able to live our lives. Acknowledging God for these basic gifts is a way to express our gratitude for the basic gift of life.
We say these words of thanks for the gift of God’s creation as a way to grow in our relationship with God. We say these words of thanks for the gifts of life as a way to deepen our friendship with God. Just as the leper who came back to say thank you for Jesus for this gift of healing had more of a chance to really have a relationship with God, we have more of a chance to continue to grow in our relationship with God when we say thank you. Thanking God for the ultimate gift of salvation through God’s son Jesus is the chance to thank God for the ultimate thing that God has done in our lives.
Having a sense of thanks is not only something that can be expressed in words, it can also be expressed in actions. When someone gives us a present that we are truly thankful for, we do not put it in the back of the closet where no one will see it. We take it out, and put it in the center of our lives for other people to see it. We do the same thing with the gifts that God has given us. We can extend this thankfulness we have to God to the way that we deal with the resources that God has given us. Pledging money in the commitment drive for our church this week or helping to put some food in the baskets for the hungry in our community are some ways that we show thanks to God. It can also be in our gift of our time as well, whether we are singing in the choir or participating in the local organizing committee or doing anything else that contributes to the life of this church or to the well being of the Oakland community that we are showing our thanks to god as well. This is a way that the gifts that God has given us is put to good use instead of keeping it to ourselves where other people may not be able to benefit from them. The using of these gifts is a way to express gratitude to God in our lives.
We can thank God in many ways in our words, in our actions. We thank God because God has given us the gifts that we do have in our lives. We thank God so that we might grow in our relationship with God. God is not only our creator but also our friend. How could we not be thankful to God for all of
Luke 17:11-19, Psalm 65
The lepers in this text asked Jesus for healing and Jesus granted it to them. There really were no strings attached to this gift that Jesus gave them. He did tell them to go show themselves to the priests. This was because it was priests that certified that people were healed. However, Jesus did not tell them “I will heal you only if you change your habits,” or “I will heal you only if you change your attitude.” Jesus gave the gift of healing to them unconditionally when the lepers asked him to have mercy on them. It was a gift that was given with no strings attached.
One of the commentaries that I read on this particular text posed the question: why rebuke the lepers for not returning when they were commanded to go and in that obedience the lepers were healed?
I can not help but wonder if Jesus felt disappointed that the other 9 did not take the time to come and say thank you.
In the first season of the television show “Desperate Housewives”, Bree Van De Kamp and her husband Rex are in marriage counseling together. Bree is a really good housewife, but her husband is accusing her of using housework as a means to not communicate her feelings more. Later, she goes and sees the counselor by herself. She gets into a conversation about Freud with her counselor. In this conversation, she says that Freud’s mother “had to do everything by hand, just back breaking work from sun up to sun down” in addition to making sacrifices. She poses the question to her counselor, “he saw how hard she worked. He saw what she did for him. Did he ever even think to say thank you? I doubt it.” Later, when she and her husband Rex are in counseling together the counselor looks at her husband and says “I am curious do you ever acknowledge the benefits of living with Bree? By your own admission, your home is always clean your clothes are always freshly pressed, she sounds like a wonderful cook, despite her flaws, do you ever remember to say thank you?”
At this, Bree smiles because that is what she wanted: to have someone say thank you for all the work that she is doing. She wondered if she was acknowledged by her husband for the work that she did for him. While she never demanded a thank you, a thank you would have been something that would have went a long way for her in acknowledging what she did do for her husband.
This may have been similar to what Jesus thought about the nine people who did not come back to thank him in this text. He probably was having that same sense of wondering if the other lepers acknowledged what he had just done for them with the gift of healing. A thank you was not mandatory however Jesus had just given these 10 lepers an amazing gift: the gift of healing.
Have you ever felt like Bree in thinking that the people you live with do not acknowledge the things you do for them? Have you ever given someone a gift that did not get a thank you? Have you ever spent time listening to someone or doing something for someone that you felt was not acknowledged? Perhaps this is how Jesus may have felt about the nine people that did not thank him for the healing. In any relationship, taking the other person for granted can weaken the relationship as the feeling of not being acknowledged can be painful. While taking time to thank the other person for what they do for us can help deepen the relationship. Jesus wanted more of a relationship with the other 9 lepers, and wants more of a relationship with us.
However one person came back to him and thanked him in our gospel story today. It was the Samaritan in the group that came back to thank him. The other 9 were more than likely Jews. The Samaritan was considered a foreigner. The fact that it was the Samaritan who came back to say thank you was not insignificant. The Samaritan was showing evidence of being grateful to what he was able to receive where he was living. The Samaritan made that extra step to show gratitude to Jesus. The psalm for today says, “Make a joyful noise to God, all the earth; sing glory of his name; give to him glorious praise. Say to God, How awesome are your deeds.” This is probably what the Samaritan did when he was at Jesus’ feet. This was significant for him and he felt the need to praise Jesus for this gift of healing. It was in his gratefulness that he was able to develop more of a relationship with Jesus as well. It is because he acknowledged Jesus and the wonderful powers Jesus had blessed him with. He was living out what the psalmist was feeling as well, “blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer.” His prayer and request were granted to him and he was glorifying Jesus. The other nine are the contrast to him because they took this gift that Jesus had given to them for granted.
At the time of Thanksgiving, we all are aware of the things in our lives that we are thankful for. As Christians, we take this a step further. We are not just thankful for things in our lives and looking for a special celebration. As Christians, we are thankful to God as well for being our creator and giving us the things in our lives. We do this because God desires to have a relationship with us, and this is one of the ways we strengthen our relationship with God: by giving thanks.
Yet Thanksgiving may not an easy time of year either. Holidays are difficult when poverty is in our own home. The current state of our economy may be leaving us wondering when poverty might hit us if it hasn’t hit us already which may make a holiday feel less festive than usual. Holidays can be a difficult time when we have experienced a family member’s death or separation or divorce from a significant other. It may be a painful time of year, so being asked to be thankful in the midst of a hurtful situation may be difficult.
But there is something that never changes that we can always be thankful for. God has given the gift of the son, Jesus Christ who died for the sake of our sins. This never changes, even if other things in our lives have changed. One of the ways that we are reminded of this gift is through the sacrament of baptism. We were lucky to be able to witness this was through Samantha’s baptism on Sunday, as we are able to think of God washing away our own sins as well. Thanking God for the gift of salvation through Jesus is showing gratitude for the ultimate gift of forgiveness which God has given us. It’s something we can always be thankful for even when its difficult to be thankful for other things.
God is also our creator. God made us and gave us the gift of life. This gift of creation is something else that we can be thankful for. God made this earth and everything in it. This includes flowers, trees, bodies of water and mountains, and countless other beautiful things. Acknowledging this gift of creation of our lives and the beauty of the earth is a way to show God how grateful that we are for what God has made.
God still gives other blessings in our lives as well. Today, I know that I am thankful to have family here today, to be a part of this Resurrection community, and that gas prices are going down. Take a moment and consider what you are thankful to God for today?
Try not let this attitude of thanking God for the blessings in your life be relegated to only one day. This may be challenging. Yet it can be simple as well. We can be thankful for our daily bread that we pray for in the Lord’s prayer. When Martin Luther answers what daily bread is he responds with a long list: “Everything that in the necessities and nourishment for our bodies, such as food, drink, clothing, shoes, house, farm, fields, livestock, money, property, a house, a spouse, children, faithful rulers, good government, good weather, peace, health, decency, honor, good friends, faithful neighbors and the like.” The daily bread of our lives are things that we can be continuously thankful for. It is through these gifts that we are able to live our lives. Acknowledging God for these basic gifts is a way to express our gratitude for the basic gift of life.
We say these words of thanks for the gift of God’s creation as a way to grow in our relationship with God. We say these words of thanks for the gifts of life as a way to deepen our friendship with God. Just as the leper who came back to say thank you for Jesus for this gift of healing had more of a chance to really have a relationship with God, we have more of a chance to continue to grow in our relationship with God when we say thank you. Thanking God for the ultimate gift of salvation through God’s son Jesus is the chance to thank God for the ultimate thing that God has done in our lives.
Having a sense of thanks is not only something that can be expressed in words, it can also be expressed in actions. When someone gives us a present that we are truly thankful for, we do not put it in the back of the closet where no one will see it. We take it out, and put it in the center of our lives for other people to see it. We do the same thing with the gifts that God has given us. We can extend this thankfulness we have to God to the way that we deal with the resources that God has given us. Pledging money in the commitment drive for our church this week or helping to put some food in the baskets for the hungry in our community are some ways that we show thanks to God. It can also be in our gift of our time as well, whether we are singing in the choir or participating in the local organizing committee or doing anything else that contributes to the life of this church or to the well being of the Oakland community that we are showing our thanks to god as well. This is a way that the gifts that God has given us is put to good use instead of keeping it to ourselves where other people may not be able to benefit from them. The using of these gifts is a way to express gratitude to God in our lives.
We can thank God in many ways in our words, in our actions. We thank God because God has given us the gifts that we do have in our lives. We thank God so that we might grow in our relationship with God. God is not only our creator but also our friend. How could we not be thankful to God for all of
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Just War????
I just posted this on my Pace e Bene Blog:
For an education hour at my church, I am going to be leading a discussion on the just war theory, faith and Iraq this upcoming Sunday. The ELCA supports the just war theory in regards to war. These are the things that constitute the “just war” theory:
o When it is in response to the perpetration of a real injury
o When it is declared by legitimate public authority
o When there are right intentions
o When the goal of waging war is to restore a situation of peace
o When it is a last resort, after exhausting other reasonable means of peaceful settlement.
o When the overall damage caused by war will not exceed the original injury suffered/proportionality of the ends
o When there is a probability of success; there is a reasonable hope that the purpose for going to war can be successfully accomplished.
o When there is a public declaration of the reasons for waging war/public declaration
o When war targets only noncombatants
o When the war only uses means proportionate to the value of the target
I find it interesting that a lot of these stipulations seem very subjective. How do we determine right intentions? How do we measure the last resort? How can we determine the probability of success???
Personally, I think that these terms can be defined in a way that would make a war sound “just” even if it is not. Because of how subjective a lot of these things are, I am not sure if the just war theory is truly a path to justice. These things can be defined in a way that support’s one’s own self interest instead of in a way that really makes people think critically about the other. Nonviolence has a lot of principles that embrace thinking about the other in a loving, respectful way. I do not think that it can be skewed the same way that the just war theory can be.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Decisions, Decisions
I have made a very difficult decision recently, and well, please read my entire posting before you respond as it is a little more complicated than it sounds originally.
I had made the decision to do the Luther Seminary exchange program for next January term and Spring semester. PLTS and Luther are in the "western mission cluster" (the title humors me, but it is true). This allows people at Luther to do coursework at PLTS and people at PLTS to do coursework at Luther. This sounded like a very appealing decision to make for multiple reasons:
1) I am interested in mission developing. Even if I do not fiind myself becoming a mission developer, I think that these are important skills to emphasize to even help revitalize a congregation. (although i think actually starting a church from scratch will have fewer politics to navigate in having a missional focus than in revitalizing a congregation, it still does not negate that i think that these are important skills to have). I found myself really resonating with the idea of a missionaly oriented church more than merely trying to find ways to keep the people who are faithfuly attending a dying church happy. There are more classes at Luther than at PLTS in this regard, even if there are professors who are begining to consider this in their approach at the PLTS campus.
2) It is REALLY expensive to be in the bay area. I thought that I could reduce some of my spending by living in walking distance to my classes, to a seminary library, to a public library, to a coffee shop, to a grocery store. I do take a bus down to my classes at the Graduate Theological Union because they police parking meters so well that if you are off by a minute or two you get a $30 parking ticket. In trying to take advantage of resources by the GTU when the looper (the van that goes between PLTS and the GTU) was not running earlier this semester, I was continously hit with parking tickets. This has been motivation however to not take advantage of the GTU library as I tend to get lost in thought when I study.
Suddenly finding a parking lot by the university that charges me by the hour may seem more expensive to park, but I tend to get lost in thought easily. A lot of shops and resteraunts validate the ticket to the parking ramp around there. It does not mean that it is free, but it slashes the bill in half. So it becomes motivation to get some shopping done or to grab a bite to eat somewhere as there are many places that I can grab a bite to eat for under $10 around there. While it is still not entirely thrifty, I am maximizing my dollars more when I do this. When I do not do this, I go to a shopping mall in a nearby town and buy a cup of tea where I can get free parking. However I do not like this option as well as when I am at the university area because at the university I head to the swimming pool as a study break or as a reward, and I am more likely to support independently owned businesses when I do choose to do my errands around there.
3) My class is on internship this year. There were the people that I did feel like I clicked with better than I did others. However, even with the people that I did not "click" with in a certain way they did become like brothers and sisters to me. There is a certain level of commradity that I felt in having the same classes, in going through the same process with my class. And I worked with some of these people very closely and I also shared a kitchen space with some of these people. There is a familiarity that occurred and I felt like I became friends with them in a certain way still. I realize that I actually miss these people like crazy. I did go to LA to hang out with one young man that I felt like I got along very well with over my reading week, who I feel is like a long lost brother to me. I am trying to keep in touch with people via facebook and phone calls whenever possible. But it is still not the same. By the time I am on my internship, they will be back at PLTS for their final year. I feel like I am kind of going through a shifting of relationships and seeing which people I really will keep in touch with on a personal level and which people I will be happy to see at conferences and synod assemblies but not maybe keeping in touch on a more personal level. I grieve not having these people be a part of my life on a more regular basis.
4) In that same vain, I have also felt that way of all of you in Minnesota! I realize that I do have a lot of connections in Minnesota as well. I honestly feel bad that I have not been as good at keeping in touch as I would like to. The time difference sometimes makes me reticent to try to call many of you at the end of my day. And it would be very nice to see you all in person more as well. I realize that Minnesota is home to me and that it is hard to see California as home with having my class be gone.
5) The Twin Cities feels safer and more accessible. In the Twin Cities, I know where to get a beer for only $2, where I could walk to a public library for free and I scrounged the city pages for things to do for free or low cost. I have had a harder time finding these kinds of items in the bay area, I havent found a public library close to any of my usual stops, the equivalent of the city pages is only for San Fransisco which is an hour away and $8 for a BART ticket and there are parts of San Fran that I just refuse to walk alone. I do not think that the Twin Cities is perfect, but it does feel more geographically accessible and safer than San Fran does.
6) I do not feel like dorm life has worked as well for me this year as it has in previously. I enjoy being around people and activity quite a bit, but I identify with introversion in terms of the way I recharge and process things. Living in an apartment with the mentality for hospitality was a lot more appealing to me than living in a dorm where I am trying to coexist with people I didn't even choose to be in a living space with. Its more exhausting--- retreat and invitation are important to me in my sense of a home space.
+So, for all of these reasons, I began to get really excited about this prospect. I had been in communication with the registrar at my school about doing this, and it sounded like it was going to work. However, apparently they only allow up to a year of what can be done through the seminary exchange program at Luther. Since I had done summer school this summer, it needed to be counted toward the load that I am allowed to do. I am supposed to come back for 1-2 classes when I am done with internship next year and even though I enjoy Berkeley, for all of the reasons I just mentioned I thought it would be easier to do it at Luther. And I was told that it could work if I did my January term at the GTU and then did my other courses at Luther. Well, the main point was that I had elective hours left that I wanted to do in courses like mission of the triune God and contemporary worship issues. Suddenly, I realized as excited as I felt about this prospect, if I was not able to take the kinds of classes that I was hoping to in the exchange program that all the other things that I was excited about were icing on the cake, and not primary items. Registration for spring semester came around the corner and I was able to register for a systematics class at the Methodist seminary called Mission Impossible, discussing things like colonalizm and evangelism and pluralism from the lens of systematic theology. I was able to register for a class on indigenous spirituality at the unitarian seminary, a class on corinthians at the dominican seminary, an elective on conversion at the Methodist seminary--the only class I have to take at PLTS is Christian Ethics. Suddenly, I realized that I kind of was able to find classes at the GTU that were similar to my interest in mission that I would not even have the opportunity to do if I did the Luther Seminary semester.
While I am excited about my classes, I will admit to being disappointed about the more social aspect of all of this. As a previous blog mentioned, I feel lonely this year. Not being around my class is part of it. The other part of it I think is my schedule and the fact that I am frequently gone or way too tired when social events are going on around campus. I am pursuing finding a therapist and giving internet dating a shot, I think these things could help me in my more introverted preferences. (I have more fun in small groups and 1 on 1 settings than I do in larger groups). However, I am also considering very seriously that as much as I love my work with Pace e Bene maybe what I need is to have fewer items on my plate for next semester as well. I am discerning how to handle this. The thing is that I would be able to put more energy into my schoolwork and have more opportunity to get to know the people around me if I was not going and coming all the time to Oakland. I realize that while I have not felt overly happy with the social connections I have at PLTS this year (see people hearing without listening: oct 3) that maybe my schedule has not allowed me to give these connections more of the chance that they may deserve. While this could be hit or miss, I would also get more time for myself as well. Because the other big thing is if I do not get a horizon internship site (which I interviewed for last week) that I would probably be doing interviews for other internship sites next semester as well. And honestly, it is only a few extra months out in Berkeley.
I realized that it won't be so bad because:
1) I am taking most of my classes down at the GTU which sound exciting both in terms of the class content and the interreligious dialogue that occurs.
2) While the cost of living is kind of high around here, at least a good bottle of wine is affordable here unlike in the midwest
3) I will be able to swim outside in January
4) I will be done with teaching parish, which although I love the site that I am at, will give me aprox. 10 more hours in my week when I consider prep time, supervision, transportation and Sundays. I will have more time.
5) I am in favor of homosexual marriage and that this is more of a unanimous mentality at PLTS, and I think its more of a dividing issue at Luther.
6) Who doesn't want to visit a family member or friend in California to go to Napa????
7) I appreciate the diversity of ethnicities around the area with the university and the GTU, and I might find myself beginning to pick up some Spanish which I have always wanted to do
8) Maybe some of my newer acquaintances will develop into friendships
9) It seriously is not that long until the year is over and I am on internship...kind of a scary thought too
10) There is nothing like walking down Telegraph Ave. on a weekend. Street vendors are very interesting people to talk to. There are sometimes random concerts and parties going on that are free and open to the public. Bookstores are not just places to buy books but also where events take place. While I have not soaked up all the possibilities of the resource of the university, these are some of the things that come to mind when I think about the random fun I have found around that area.
11) One of the things that I think makes the bay area unique is the attention to health and wellness in addition to education and culture. Its not just a mentality that takes place around the schools, but its very much a flavor of the way people continously live their lives. This is something that I find that I fit right into.
So there are some aspects of this that won't be that bad. It takes away the weirdness of the teaching parish supervisor at the parish that did not work out very well hanging out around the campus. It takes away the weirdness of the last man who articulated a desire to date me (who I actually refused) is now married. (it is for the better, it just feels weird as i think that i am in more of a place to date now than i was then). It takes away from all of the other aspects that I am disappointed about. The possiblity of spending next summer in the Twin Cities is there as well, which helps. It is really a mixed bag right now. However I trust it will be good.
Honestly, I was not sure about this for a few days. But then when Obama won the presidential election, I felt like if there is hope for our country now, that there is hope for me as well. The odd thing is that despite these disappointments i trust that it is going to work out for the good. The frusteration is that I can not see in to a crystal ball about this, but it makes life stay seemingly interesting as well. And yet I have this odd sense of peace that everything is goign to turn out the way it is supposed to turn out. It will be good, I just do not know why yet. God, grant me patience is my next prayer. In the meantime, I could use prayers in all of these regards! Please keep in touch! I miss you all!
I had made the decision to do the Luther Seminary exchange program for next January term and Spring semester. PLTS and Luther are in the "western mission cluster" (the title humors me, but it is true). This allows people at Luther to do coursework at PLTS and people at PLTS to do coursework at Luther. This sounded like a very appealing decision to make for multiple reasons:
1) I am interested in mission developing. Even if I do not fiind myself becoming a mission developer, I think that these are important skills to emphasize to even help revitalize a congregation. (although i think actually starting a church from scratch will have fewer politics to navigate in having a missional focus than in revitalizing a congregation, it still does not negate that i think that these are important skills to have). I found myself really resonating with the idea of a missionaly oriented church more than merely trying to find ways to keep the people who are faithfuly attending a dying church happy. There are more classes at Luther than at PLTS in this regard, even if there are professors who are begining to consider this in their approach at the PLTS campus.
2) It is REALLY expensive to be in the bay area. I thought that I could reduce some of my spending by living in walking distance to my classes, to a seminary library, to a public library, to a coffee shop, to a grocery store. I do take a bus down to my classes at the Graduate Theological Union because they police parking meters so well that if you are off by a minute or two you get a $30 parking ticket. In trying to take advantage of resources by the GTU when the looper (the van that goes between PLTS and the GTU) was not running earlier this semester, I was continously hit with parking tickets. This has been motivation however to not take advantage of the GTU library as I tend to get lost in thought when I study.
Suddenly finding a parking lot by the university that charges me by the hour may seem more expensive to park, but I tend to get lost in thought easily. A lot of shops and resteraunts validate the ticket to the parking ramp around there. It does not mean that it is free, but it slashes the bill in half. So it becomes motivation to get some shopping done or to grab a bite to eat somewhere as there are many places that I can grab a bite to eat for under $10 around there. While it is still not entirely thrifty, I am maximizing my dollars more when I do this. When I do not do this, I go to a shopping mall in a nearby town and buy a cup of tea where I can get free parking. However I do not like this option as well as when I am at the university area because at the university I head to the swimming pool as a study break or as a reward, and I am more likely to support independently owned businesses when I do choose to do my errands around there.
3) My class is on internship this year. There were the people that I did feel like I clicked with better than I did others. However, even with the people that I did not "click" with in a certain way they did become like brothers and sisters to me. There is a certain level of commradity that I felt in having the same classes, in going through the same process with my class. And I worked with some of these people very closely and I also shared a kitchen space with some of these people. There is a familiarity that occurred and I felt like I became friends with them in a certain way still. I realize that I actually miss these people like crazy. I did go to LA to hang out with one young man that I felt like I got along very well with over my reading week, who I feel is like a long lost brother to me. I am trying to keep in touch with people via facebook and phone calls whenever possible. But it is still not the same. By the time I am on my internship, they will be back at PLTS for their final year. I feel like I am kind of going through a shifting of relationships and seeing which people I really will keep in touch with on a personal level and which people I will be happy to see at conferences and synod assemblies but not maybe keeping in touch on a more personal level. I grieve not having these people be a part of my life on a more regular basis.
4) In that same vain, I have also felt that way of all of you in Minnesota! I realize that I do have a lot of connections in Minnesota as well. I honestly feel bad that I have not been as good at keeping in touch as I would like to. The time difference sometimes makes me reticent to try to call many of you at the end of my day. And it would be very nice to see you all in person more as well. I realize that Minnesota is home to me and that it is hard to see California as home with having my class be gone.
5) The Twin Cities feels safer and more accessible. In the Twin Cities, I know where to get a beer for only $2, where I could walk to a public library for free and I scrounged the city pages for things to do for free or low cost. I have had a harder time finding these kinds of items in the bay area, I havent found a public library close to any of my usual stops, the equivalent of the city pages is only for San Fransisco which is an hour away and $8 for a BART ticket and there are parts of San Fran that I just refuse to walk alone. I do not think that the Twin Cities is perfect, but it does feel more geographically accessible and safer than San Fran does.
6) I do not feel like dorm life has worked as well for me this year as it has in previously. I enjoy being around people and activity quite a bit, but I identify with introversion in terms of the way I recharge and process things. Living in an apartment with the mentality for hospitality was a lot more appealing to me than living in a dorm where I am trying to coexist with people I didn't even choose to be in a living space with. Its more exhausting--- retreat and invitation are important to me in my sense of a home space.
+So, for all of these reasons, I began to get really excited about this prospect. I had been in communication with the registrar at my school about doing this, and it sounded like it was going to work. However, apparently they only allow up to a year of what can be done through the seminary exchange program at Luther. Since I had done summer school this summer, it needed to be counted toward the load that I am allowed to do. I am supposed to come back for 1-2 classes when I am done with internship next year and even though I enjoy Berkeley, for all of the reasons I just mentioned I thought it would be easier to do it at Luther. And I was told that it could work if I did my January term at the GTU and then did my other courses at Luther. Well, the main point was that I had elective hours left that I wanted to do in courses like mission of the triune God and contemporary worship issues. Suddenly, I realized as excited as I felt about this prospect, if I was not able to take the kinds of classes that I was hoping to in the exchange program that all the other things that I was excited about were icing on the cake, and not primary items. Registration for spring semester came around the corner and I was able to register for a systematics class at the Methodist seminary called Mission Impossible, discussing things like colonalizm and evangelism and pluralism from the lens of systematic theology. I was able to register for a class on indigenous spirituality at the unitarian seminary, a class on corinthians at the dominican seminary, an elective on conversion at the Methodist seminary--the only class I have to take at PLTS is Christian Ethics. Suddenly, I realized that I kind of was able to find classes at the GTU that were similar to my interest in mission that I would not even have the opportunity to do if I did the Luther Seminary semester.
While I am excited about my classes, I will admit to being disappointed about the more social aspect of all of this. As a previous blog mentioned, I feel lonely this year. Not being around my class is part of it. The other part of it I think is my schedule and the fact that I am frequently gone or way too tired when social events are going on around campus. I am pursuing finding a therapist and giving internet dating a shot, I think these things could help me in my more introverted preferences. (I have more fun in small groups and 1 on 1 settings than I do in larger groups). However, I am also considering very seriously that as much as I love my work with Pace e Bene maybe what I need is to have fewer items on my plate for next semester as well. I am discerning how to handle this. The thing is that I would be able to put more energy into my schoolwork and have more opportunity to get to know the people around me if I was not going and coming all the time to Oakland. I realize that while I have not felt overly happy with the social connections I have at PLTS this year (see people hearing without listening: oct 3) that maybe my schedule has not allowed me to give these connections more of the chance that they may deserve. While this could be hit or miss, I would also get more time for myself as well. Because the other big thing is if I do not get a horizon internship site (which I interviewed for last week) that I would probably be doing interviews for other internship sites next semester as well. And honestly, it is only a few extra months out in Berkeley.
I realized that it won't be so bad because:
1) I am taking most of my classes down at the GTU which sound exciting both in terms of the class content and the interreligious dialogue that occurs.
2) While the cost of living is kind of high around here, at least a good bottle of wine is affordable here unlike in the midwest
3) I will be able to swim outside in January
4) I will be done with teaching parish, which although I love the site that I am at, will give me aprox. 10 more hours in my week when I consider prep time, supervision, transportation and Sundays. I will have more time.
5) I am in favor of homosexual marriage and that this is more of a unanimous mentality at PLTS, and I think its more of a dividing issue at Luther.
6) Who doesn't want to visit a family member or friend in California to go to Napa????
7) I appreciate the diversity of ethnicities around the area with the university and the GTU, and I might find myself beginning to pick up some Spanish which I have always wanted to do
8) Maybe some of my newer acquaintances will develop into friendships
9) It seriously is not that long until the year is over and I am on internship...kind of a scary thought too
10) There is nothing like walking down Telegraph Ave. on a weekend. Street vendors are very interesting people to talk to. There are sometimes random concerts and parties going on that are free and open to the public. Bookstores are not just places to buy books but also where events take place. While I have not soaked up all the possibilities of the resource of the university, these are some of the things that come to mind when I think about the random fun I have found around that area.
11) One of the things that I think makes the bay area unique is the attention to health and wellness in addition to education and culture. Its not just a mentality that takes place around the schools, but its very much a flavor of the way people continously live their lives. This is something that I find that I fit right into.
So there are some aspects of this that won't be that bad. It takes away the weirdness of the teaching parish supervisor at the parish that did not work out very well hanging out around the campus. It takes away the weirdness of the last man who articulated a desire to date me (who I actually refused) is now married. (it is for the better, it just feels weird as i think that i am in more of a place to date now than i was then). It takes away from all of the other aspects that I am disappointed about. The possiblity of spending next summer in the Twin Cities is there as well, which helps. It is really a mixed bag right now. However I trust it will be good.
Honestly, I was not sure about this for a few days. But then when Obama won the presidential election, I felt like if there is hope for our country now, that there is hope for me as well. The odd thing is that despite these disappointments i trust that it is going to work out for the good. The frusteration is that I can not see in to a crystal ball about this, but it makes life stay seemingly interesting as well. And yet I have this odd sense of peace that everything is goign to turn out the way it is supposed to turn out. It will be good, I just do not know why yet. God, grant me patience is my next prayer. In the meantime, I could use prayers in all of these regards! Please keep in touch! I miss you all!
I Still Remember When 30 Was Old....
I just got this in some kind of email list that I am on in dating after 30. I thought it was a very applicable article to my shifting attitudes towards dating. Well, I am 28 years old, so I am not quite 30 yet. However I think that my attitudes towards dating are more in this category for a variety of reasons:
1) 30 is no longer that far away for me.
2) I have been in a variety of relationships which have indicated to me things that I can and can not live without. And reflecting over what did and did not work well has made me think critically about the way I want to handle things differently and how I want someone to deal with me differently. Disclaimers: There are some things that are deal breakers, however some things are negotiable with the right person. No one is perfect, but they should bring out my best side, and not my worst side.
3) Oddly enough, claiming my pastoral identity more has made me want to have a stable, mature relationship even more.
4) While there are some problems in equality when thinking about marriage (it can be used to define women in oppressive roles, the rights that go along with marriage are denied to homosexuals), I am entering into a profession that is pro-marriage, and this is a standard that is set even more so for clergy members than it is for average church go-ers. Despite my mixed feelings toward marriage, because I am entering a job that is pro-marriage, I am going to be more likely to want to invest my time on a relationship that has the potentiality for marriage. Ultimately I do not view marriage as a goal as much as enjoying each other's company. However, I will get in less trouble on any issues relating to this if I sniff out dating for the sake of dating and really liking the other person and making sure that they like me as well early on. Tricky, I know. However I think that this definitely puts me more in a 30+ attitude toward dating than it does an early 20s attitude towards dating according to this article.
Disclaimer about the article: There are some very liberal attitudes towards sexuality in the article that the ELCA does not endorse. So I will practice ambiguity by saying this: Look beyond the issues of sex outside the context of marriage and the other issues that might be applicable after 30 anyway. Regardless of all of this, it makes me feel better about still being in the dating field at my age...
TEN REASONS WHY DATING IS BETTER AFTER 30
by Amy Waterman
10. You don't have to worry about sneaking home at night and waking your parents. One of the best things about dating when you're in your thirties is that you are responsible for yourself. You can stay up late, invite him to your house for a nightcap, or stay over at his house without guilt. It's your decision, because it's your life.
9. You can afford nicer restaurants than McDonald's. I still remember my first date. We shared a strawberry milkshake at McDonald's, and I was so starry-eyed with infatuation that anything would have tasted like ambrosia. Fortunately, my dinner dates these days are much healthier and better suited to romance. (Betsy's seminary student comment: if he makes more money than me and is paying)
8. You're into something more than getting trashed on weekends. By the time most of us reach our thirties, the novelty of getting drunk every weekend has usually worn off. Curling up next to one another on the sofa and watching a movie can feel just as pleasurable as clubbing until dawn.
7. You know a bit more about life and love. One of the scariest things about dating when you're a teenager is starting out from a state of ignorance. We're not born knowing how it all works. As exciting as it feels to kiss a boy for the first time, that heady hormonal rush is tempered by anxiety. Very few people get through their early dating years without feeling paralyzed by a horrible fear of messing up. That's why it's so nice to have enough experience to be realistic about the whole process: dating can be disappointing, exciting, embarrassing, and exhilarating - sometimes all at the same time!
6. You no longer put up with the bullshit. By the time you reach your thirties, you've gained a little wisdom when it comes to relationships. You can call a spade a spade. You value yourself enough to say "no" to a bad situation.
5. You can play the "Mrs. Robinson" card. If it's good enough for Demi Moore, it's good enough for us! There's nothing more fun than being the naughty "older" woman. You may even find that a lot of younger men are dreaming of a Mrs. Robinson to initiate them into the ways of love.
4. Your relationship has a greater chance of lasting. Compared with couples who marry as teenagers or in their early twenties, your relationship will stand a greater chance of lasting if you wait to marry until AT LEAST your mid-twenties. This makes sense intuitively as well as statistically. When you marry at an older age, you know yourself better. You know what you can live with. You are both more financially stable. You've had enough dating experience to build some relationship skills.
3. The sex is better. Whereas the male sex drive peaks in his late teens, the female sex drive is only revving up. Women hit their stride in their thirties, a period that often coincides with a greater body acceptance and a more relaxed attitude towards what happens in bed.
2. You can see what you're getting with him. When you're dating in your teens and twenties, the energy and ambition of youth makes it difficult to clearly see who your partner will actually turn out to be. The young man who goes to Stanford for a business degree may drop out to flip burgers and play in a band. The local jock may become the paunchy middle manager whose idea of flexing his arm muscles is lifting a beer glass. Luckily, by the time a man reaches his thirties, his lifestyle choices will give you a good indication of where he sees himself going in life.
1. You've got more going on in your life than him. Yes, for me the best part about being 30+ is that life is so much fuller, richer, and more satisfying than ever before. Whether you have a relationship or not, you've created a life that you can be proud of. You no longer depend on a man for your sense of self-worth. Dating is part of your life but not everything. As a result, relationships become something wonderful to be valued when you have them, but not despaired over when you don't.
1) 30 is no longer that far away for me.
2) I have been in a variety of relationships which have indicated to me things that I can and can not live without. And reflecting over what did and did not work well has made me think critically about the way I want to handle things differently and how I want someone to deal with me differently. Disclaimers: There are some things that are deal breakers, however some things are negotiable with the right person. No one is perfect, but they should bring out my best side, and not my worst side.
3) Oddly enough, claiming my pastoral identity more has made me want to have a stable, mature relationship even more.
4) While there are some problems in equality when thinking about marriage (it can be used to define women in oppressive roles, the rights that go along with marriage are denied to homosexuals), I am entering into a profession that is pro-marriage, and this is a standard that is set even more so for clergy members than it is for average church go-ers. Despite my mixed feelings toward marriage, because I am entering a job that is pro-marriage, I am going to be more likely to want to invest my time on a relationship that has the potentiality for marriage. Ultimately I do not view marriage as a goal as much as enjoying each other's company. However, I will get in less trouble on any issues relating to this if I sniff out dating for the sake of dating and really liking the other person and making sure that they like me as well early on. Tricky, I know. However I think that this definitely puts me more in a 30+ attitude toward dating than it does an early 20s attitude towards dating according to this article.
Disclaimer about the article: There are some very liberal attitudes towards sexuality in the article that the ELCA does not endorse. So I will practice ambiguity by saying this: Look beyond the issues of sex outside the context of marriage and the other issues that might be applicable after 30 anyway. Regardless of all of this, it makes me feel better about still being in the dating field at my age...
TEN REASONS WHY DATING IS BETTER AFTER 30
by Amy Waterman
10. You don't have to worry about sneaking home at night and waking your parents. One of the best things about dating when you're in your thirties is that you are responsible for yourself. You can stay up late, invite him to your house for a nightcap, or stay over at his house without guilt. It's your decision, because it's your life.
9. You can afford nicer restaurants than McDonald's. I still remember my first date. We shared a strawberry milkshake at McDonald's, and I was so starry-eyed with infatuation that anything would have tasted like ambrosia. Fortunately, my dinner dates these days are much healthier and better suited to romance. (Betsy's seminary student comment: if he makes more money than me and is paying)
8. You're into something more than getting trashed on weekends. By the time most of us reach our thirties, the novelty of getting drunk every weekend has usually worn off. Curling up next to one another on the sofa and watching a movie can feel just as pleasurable as clubbing until dawn.
7. You know a bit more about life and love. One of the scariest things about dating when you're a teenager is starting out from a state of ignorance. We're not born knowing how it all works. As exciting as it feels to kiss a boy for the first time, that heady hormonal rush is tempered by anxiety. Very few people get through their early dating years without feeling paralyzed by a horrible fear of messing up. That's why it's so nice to have enough experience to be realistic about the whole process: dating can be disappointing, exciting, embarrassing, and exhilarating - sometimes all at the same time!
6. You no longer put up with the bullshit. By the time you reach your thirties, you've gained a little wisdom when it comes to relationships. You can call a spade a spade. You value yourself enough to say "no" to a bad situation.
5. You can play the "Mrs. Robinson" card. If it's good enough for Demi Moore, it's good enough for us! There's nothing more fun than being the naughty "older" woman. You may even find that a lot of younger men are dreaming of a Mrs. Robinson to initiate them into the ways of love.
4. Your relationship has a greater chance of lasting. Compared with couples who marry as teenagers or in their early twenties, your relationship will stand a greater chance of lasting if you wait to marry until AT LEAST your mid-twenties. This makes sense intuitively as well as statistically. When you marry at an older age, you know yourself better. You know what you can live with. You are both more financially stable. You've had enough dating experience to build some relationship skills.
3. The sex is better. Whereas the male sex drive peaks in his late teens, the female sex drive is only revving up. Women hit their stride in their thirties, a period that often coincides with a greater body acceptance and a more relaxed attitude towards what happens in bed.
2. You can see what you're getting with him. When you're dating in your teens and twenties, the energy and ambition of youth makes it difficult to clearly see who your partner will actually turn out to be. The young man who goes to Stanford for a business degree may drop out to flip burgers and play in a band. The local jock may become the paunchy middle manager whose idea of flexing his arm muscles is lifting a beer glass. Luckily, by the time a man reaches his thirties, his lifestyle choices will give you a good indication of where he sees himself going in life.
1. You've got more going on in your life than him. Yes, for me the best part about being 30+ is that life is so much fuller, richer, and more satisfying than ever before. Whether you have a relationship or not, you've created a life that you can be proud of. You no longer depend on a man for your sense of self-worth. Dating is part of your life but not everything. As a result, relationships become something wonderful to be valued when you have them, but not despaired over when you don't.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Sex and the City: Me Likey
I have a new addiction: The TV show Sex and the City as I have been netflixing it quite a bit lately. I love to watch movies, but there is something about TV shows on DVD that is almost easier to do in smaller chunks like I need to as a student. And while the Sex and the City movie was disappointing, I think that the television show is brilliant.
For a long time, I thought that I did not like the show all that much. I have had some major critiques of the show before, which still are not invalid criticisms of the show:
1) Feminism goes shopping. Seriously, there are women (like me) who could care less if they wear clothing from Dolce and Gabbana or have a Prada bag, etc. I will admit that although I do find myself wearing things that are kind of trendy from time to time that my fashion sense tends to be more "classic" or "conservative" but I almost prefer to find my clothes at the cheapest place possible to buy them. And I would rather spend my time going and doing things that are worthwhile instead of shopping. I tend to be more of the type of gal who goes to the bookstore cafe to buy a cheap cup of tea and sit there speed reading books I would not be willing to buy then to go off to shop for clothes. In that same vain, most single women around my age simply can not afford to go out as much as the women on the show are portrayed as doing.
2) How frank the women are with each other about sex. Honestly, not many women really sit around discussing sex in groups of friends the way that they do. The level the conversation is often brought to in off screen world is generally seen of as socially inappropriate even amongst women who do consider themselves friends, despite the fact that it is a concern. Seeing this as a norm on the screen can make women feel resentful that they do not have those kinds of relationships with other women.
3) How the women do not discuss the arts, politics, community concerns intellectual pursuits amongst each other. They seem so absorbed in fashion and sex and what is "hip" to the degree that makes one wonder if they are capable of really looking outside of themselves more. (However, I am not sure if simplicity in the city or chastity in the city would have appealed to the marketing for the show the same way)
4) The assumption that being single in the city=sex in the city. Well, maybe I do have the biased perspective of my choice of career. I think that there is a broad spectrum as to how to handle sexuality and being single. The show holds up a picture of a very laizze fare approach to sexuality in general. I think that most adults just do not jump in bed with just anyone. The threat of STDs and AIDS is real. And I think that most people want some degree of a relationship before having sex with another person, even if the standards for what makes for that kind of appropriate relationship varies.
So why do I like this show????
1) It articulates the struggles that single women have in this day and age very realistically. The topics may vary such as singles versus married people, sexism women face in the workplace, issues surrounding wanting or not wanting children, divorce, etc. They do not sugar coat the issues but have the characters present various angles on the issues. I do not think that in my own life I am just Carrie, Miranda, Charolette or Samantha as they each have said things I identify with. However, while I may not be fashion obsessed I realize that I do have a way of looking at the world that is very close to the way Carrie does. There is this level of honesty that they identify on the show that I do not think is always deemed appropriate to address in the context of conversation. Shows like "Sex and the City" and "Desperate Housewives", popular magazines and novels that are "chic lit" or "romance" often put these kinds of things that women like myself think about, even if it is in a more commercialized way. And in terms of life as a single woman, while I am chaste in the city, they do articulate a lot of things in an R rated way that I have tried to say in a PG rated way. While "Friends" is excellent at displaying situations, I think Sex and the City's humor comes from the depth that it works from as the questions are asked, and sometimes answered.
2) Not only does it address the struggles women face realistically, I think it also presents a new American Dream that woman have. This is to make it on their own yet to be able to enjoy. We do get glimpses of the women's work lives occasionally but we usually see them at brunch at a resteraunt, shopping, going to a trendy party, going on dates. We see them more in states of luxury than we do at work even though we know that they work. This is the American dream, only instead of being told that a man needs to provide it, women are providing it for themselves somehow.
Honestly, I may think that I would not want to be drawn into all of that. However even though I think critically about distribution issues, I realize that my things if I had more resources at my finger tips would be traveling more, going to plays and concerts more, not thinking twice about buying a book or DVD for my personal collection, would be buying a fine bottle of wine, would be knowing that i had a full evening to make a meal and have friends over or to enjoy reading a book, would be going to plays more. There are a lot of things I would do more of if I had more resources at my finger tips honestly, who doesn't have some items like this? I have the realization that before I am quick to judge the issue of indulging in shoes that I do have things that I have or would like to indulge myself in. My treasure may not be the latest fashions but I do have things that I quite enjoy even if i know that this is not where my satisfaction comes from. My fantasies may come more from The New Yorker than they do from Vogue but I still have them.
There is something almost fantasy like about how the women on the show find ways to get what they want. While the things that I want would be more a long the lines of the liberal elite than of being fashion obsessed, I do have things I would indulge in more should I have the chance.
3) I love city life myself. I may tend to go toward happy hour specials, free entertainment and social justice type events myself. However it is fun to see that same kind of enthusiasm for the city on the screen. As Carrie once said, "I think I am in love with the city". I resonate with that kind of statement myself.
4) I get so consumed thinking about the worlds problems in thinking about theology and in social justice that enjoying this kind of thing makes me feel like a half way normal woman. Like I enjoy something that women of a variety of ages and beleif systems can relate to, unlike some of my other interests. It makes me feel human in the midst of all of my studying...
So in an odd way, I would have to say that it really resonates with me despite some of my criticisms of it. So, as Carrie would say, what I can now say about Sex and the City as I couldn't the same way before "Me likey..."
For a long time, I thought that I did not like the show all that much. I have had some major critiques of the show before, which still are not invalid criticisms of the show:
1) Feminism goes shopping. Seriously, there are women (like me) who could care less if they wear clothing from Dolce and Gabbana or have a Prada bag, etc. I will admit that although I do find myself wearing things that are kind of trendy from time to time that my fashion sense tends to be more "classic" or "conservative" but I almost prefer to find my clothes at the cheapest place possible to buy them. And I would rather spend my time going and doing things that are worthwhile instead of shopping. I tend to be more of the type of gal who goes to the bookstore cafe to buy a cheap cup of tea and sit there speed reading books I would not be willing to buy then to go off to shop for clothes. In that same vain, most single women around my age simply can not afford to go out as much as the women on the show are portrayed as doing.
2) How frank the women are with each other about sex. Honestly, not many women really sit around discussing sex in groups of friends the way that they do. The level the conversation is often brought to in off screen world is generally seen of as socially inappropriate even amongst women who do consider themselves friends, despite the fact that it is a concern. Seeing this as a norm on the screen can make women feel resentful that they do not have those kinds of relationships with other women.
3) How the women do not discuss the arts, politics, community concerns intellectual pursuits amongst each other. They seem so absorbed in fashion and sex and what is "hip" to the degree that makes one wonder if they are capable of really looking outside of themselves more. (However, I am not sure if simplicity in the city or chastity in the city would have appealed to the marketing for the show the same way)
4) The assumption that being single in the city=sex in the city. Well, maybe I do have the biased perspective of my choice of career. I think that there is a broad spectrum as to how to handle sexuality and being single. The show holds up a picture of a very laizze fare approach to sexuality in general. I think that most adults just do not jump in bed with just anyone. The threat of STDs and AIDS is real. And I think that most people want some degree of a relationship before having sex with another person, even if the standards for what makes for that kind of appropriate relationship varies.
So why do I like this show????
1) It articulates the struggles that single women have in this day and age very realistically. The topics may vary such as singles versus married people, sexism women face in the workplace, issues surrounding wanting or not wanting children, divorce, etc. They do not sugar coat the issues but have the characters present various angles on the issues. I do not think that in my own life I am just Carrie, Miranda, Charolette or Samantha as they each have said things I identify with. However, while I may not be fashion obsessed I realize that I do have a way of looking at the world that is very close to the way Carrie does. There is this level of honesty that they identify on the show that I do not think is always deemed appropriate to address in the context of conversation. Shows like "Sex and the City" and "Desperate Housewives", popular magazines and novels that are "chic lit" or "romance" often put these kinds of things that women like myself think about, even if it is in a more commercialized way. And in terms of life as a single woman, while I am chaste in the city, they do articulate a lot of things in an R rated way that I have tried to say in a PG rated way. While "Friends" is excellent at displaying situations, I think Sex and the City's humor comes from the depth that it works from as the questions are asked, and sometimes answered.
2) Not only does it address the struggles women face realistically, I think it also presents a new American Dream that woman have. This is to make it on their own yet to be able to enjoy. We do get glimpses of the women's work lives occasionally but we usually see them at brunch at a resteraunt, shopping, going to a trendy party, going on dates. We see them more in states of luxury than we do at work even though we know that they work. This is the American dream, only instead of being told that a man needs to provide it, women are providing it for themselves somehow.
Honestly, I may think that I would not want to be drawn into all of that. However even though I think critically about distribution issues, I realize that my things if I had more resources at my finger tips would be traveling more, going to plays and concerts more, not thinking twice about buying a book or DVD for my personal collection, would be buying a fine bottle of wine, would be knowing that i had a full evening to make a meal and have friends over or to enjoy reading a book, would be going to plays more. There are a lot of things I would do more of if I had more resources at my finger tips honestly, who doesn't have some items like this? I have the realization that before I am quick to judge the issue of indulging in shoes that I do have things that I have or would like to indulge myself in. My treasure may not be the latest fashions but I do have things that I quite enjoy even if i know that this is not where my satisfaction comes from. My fantasies may come more from The New Yorker than they do from Vogue but I still have them.
There is something almost fantasy like about how the women on the show find ways to get what they want. While the things that I want would be more a long the lines of the liberal elite than of being fashion obsessed, I do have things I would indulge in more should I have the chance.
3) I love city life myself. I may tend to go toward happy hour specials, free entertainment and social justice type events myself. However it is fun to see that same kind of enthusiasm for the city on the screen. As Carrie once said, "I think I am in love with the city". I resonate with that kind of statement myself.
4) I get so consumed thinking about the worlds problems in thinking about theology and in social justice that enjoying this kind of thing makes me feel like a half way normal woman. Like I enjoy something that women of a variety of ages and beleif systems can relate to, unlike some of my other interests. It makes me feel human in the midst of all of my studying...
So in an odd way, I would have to say that it really resonates with me despite some of my criticisms of it. So, as Carrie would say, what I can now say about Sex and the City as I couldn't the same way before "Me likey..."
Thursday, November 6, 2008
HOPE DOESNT DISAPPOINT
This week Obama won the presidency for 2009. This is the most elated that I think that I have seriously felt in a long time. I found myself jumping up and down and screaming in front of the television set at this win the same way I have seen my dad and brother getting about football games. I seriously had to bandage the foot that I had surgery on this summer these past few days, the jumping was that intense.
It is a feeling that is a good feeling. Its like falling in love. Its like being a child on Christmas day. You know, the receiving of the things that you want that you are not certain for sure you will get. Do you ever know if the other person will requite your interest? Does the child ever know that they will receive the gift that they want the most? Its that kind of hope, and yet its deeper than those things that I remember experiencing in my youth.
Sometimes I feel like in my adult life I have become more cynical about the things that I have hoped for because even though I have had some things turn out well, I have faced enough disappointment to feel skeptical about anything that I hoped for. I find myself gravitating towards watching musicals and reading romance novels because I think that it gives me a sense of that girlish hope that I have tried really hard not to lose in midst of hardship when I need to be exposed to something other than the Bible.
The mountain high moment that I had was honestly the most similar to moving out of my wheelchair in 2004 and demonstrating to everyone that i could walk again. There was that similar sense of joy and amazement. I think on one hand, my ability to walk again was something that we all wondered would happen. Mentally, I know I at least can own up to preparing for the worst. But I still managed to get up out of my wheelchair and walk across the room. And I felt like God was very close by in that moment. I have had a lot of good experiences in my life since then, but I do not think that I had that similar kind of spiritually mountain high experience since Barack was nominated for president last night.
We do live in a democracy, which has been questionable after the Bush regime. We are living up to a level of equality and justice as Barack Obama is the first African American president of the United States of America. We have a president that I think will bring a lot of change to the world. For the first time since I was old enough to vote, the candidate that I wanted to win won.
It was an amazing moment when in the seminary community, we took the time to pray and sing the doxology, (praise god from whom all blessings flow). I felt the Holy Spirit at work. It was as though in that moment I was suddenly praising and praying for something I haven't always felt I must proceed with caution about even though its how my faith makes me think.
But as there was a lot of work ahead of me as I made my first steps out of my wheelchair and into living independently again, there is still a lot of work for this country. None of the gay marriage laws passed. This is very much a civil rights issue that needs to be addressed. People are losing their jobs and proper health care has become an elitist commodity. People sleep in the streets at night. Women feel like they have to choose between an abortion and raising their children in the circumstances of poverty. The war in Iraq still continues to go on. There is still much on this list of injustices that I haven't written about. There is still a lot of work ahead of our country.
However it is refreshing that we may finally have a president who will be more in tune with what my understanding of justice is. Its like the hopes and fears of all the years were met with a sense of joy on November 4, 2008. We have a democrat for president. We have an African American president. Yes, our country is capable of changing. And just as my blog reads, maybe it is true, hope doesn't disappoint us. That is the hope in God that makes us yearn for justice and a truly egalitarian community. Hope is on the way!!!
It is a feeling that is a good feeling. Its like falling in love. Its like being a child on Christmas day. You know, the receiving of the things that you want that you are not certain for sure you will get. Do you ever know if the other person will requite your interest? Does the child ever know that they will receive the gift that they want the most? Its that kind of hope, and yet its deeper than those things that I remember experiencing in my youth.
Sometimes I feel like in my adult life I have become more cynical about the things that I have hoped for because even though I have had some things turn out well, I have faced enough disappointment to feel skeptical about anything that I hoped for. I find myself gravitating towards watching musicals and reading romance novels because I think that it gives me a sense of that girlish hope that I have tried really hard not to lose in midst of hardship when I need to be exposed to something other than the Bible.
The mountain high moment that I had was honestly the most similar to moving out of my wheelchair in 2004 and demonstrating to everyone that i could walk again. There was that similar sense of joy and amazement. I think on one hand, my ability to walk again was something that we all wondered would happen. Mentally, I know I at least can own up to preparing for the worst. But I still managed to get up out of my wheelchair and walk across the room. And I felt like God was very close by in that moment. I have had a lot of good experiences in my life since then, but I do not think that I had that similar kind of spiritually mountain high experience since Barack was nominated for president last night.
We do live in a democracy, which has been questionable after the Bush regime. We are living up to a level of equality and justice as Barack Obama is the first African American president of the United States of America. We have a president that I think will bring a lot of change to the world. For the first time since I was old enough to vote, the candidate that I wanted to win won.
It was an amazing moment when in the seminary community, we took the time to pray and sing the doxology, (praise god from whom all blessings flow). I felt the Holy Spirit at work. It was as though in that moment I was suddenly praising and praying for something I haven't always felt I must proceed with caution about even though its how my faith makes me think.
But as there was a lot of work ahead of me as I made my first steps out of my wheelchair and into living independently again, there is still a lot of work for this country. None of the gay marriage laws passed. This is very much a civil rights issue that needs to be addressed. People are losing their jobs and proper health care has become an elitist commodity. People sleep in the streets at night. Women feel like they have to choose between an abortion and raising their children in the circumstances of poverty. The war in Iraq still continues to go on. There is still much on this list of injustices that I haven't written about. There is still a lot of work ahead of our country.
However it is refreshing that we may finally have a president who will be more in tune with what my understanding of justice is. Its like the hopes and fears of all the years were met with a sense of joy on November 4, 2008. We have a democrat for president. We have an African American president. Yes, our country is capable of changing. And just as my blog reads, maybe it is true, hope doesn't disappoint us. That is the hope in God that makes us yearn for justice and a truly egalitarian community. Hope is on the way!!!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Matthew 22:15-22 Sermon!!!
I am preaching tommorrow on Matthew 22:15-22. This is what I am preaching as I figure that you all may be interested:
Questions are asked of us every day whether we are aware of it or not. When we go to a store, we are asked if we want paper or plastic, if this will be on our credit card or if we are paying in cash. In conversations people often ask us if we are following the news or if we have seen a television program. And if we have, there is the question of what we think. That always makes for good ways to get to know people in the context of conversation.
We ask questions of other people as well. The question arises of when we ask a question of other people, what is our intent? To judge them or to understand where they are coming from? Are we eager to put them in a boxes as conservative or liberal, as educated or uneducated, etc? Or are we really wanting to find a level of understanding of what another person is saying?
Or it can even be more simple questions that can cause division. I live in a dormitory with 18 other people where I share a kitchen and a television room with them. Last year one of the things that people had passionate stances on was whether to watch Greys Anatomy or The Office on Thursday evenings. While it sounds silly to me now, this was a huge issue that divided our small dormitory community as we had only one television room. We did eventually find another place to watch televison that we switched between every other week.
Or the question can be posed as to how often we get defensive when we sense a level of malice behind a question. Sensing that the intent is judgement or putting us into some kind of definable box we give it is easy to become defensive in what our responses may be. Who do you support, John McCain or Barack Obama? I know that my natural response is to be able to want to explain why I support the candidate that I do when I am asked in the realm of conversation about politics. In controversial issues, I know that I can identify as having strong opinions sometimes and I become aware that I fall into thinking that I need to defend my perspective no matter what the cost is. While this not always a bad thing, becoming so aware of my own opinion that I am not able to listen to another perspective contributes to a sense of division from people can sometimes lead to a sense of self righteousness over my opinions. Suddenly I may not be able to hear what another person has to say.
Jesus is aware that there can be a sense of malice and judgement behind questions in this text. Jesus is posed with the controversial question of if it is lawful to pay taxes to the emperor. In the context of his time, to approve of the taxation would have been offensive to Jewish nationalists; to disapprove would have been treasonous. Jesus could have taken a strong stance at this point in time to align himself with a political position.
If Jesus answers yes, the disciples of the Pharisees and the crowds who perceive Jesus as a prophet will reject him for not teaching the way of God. If Jesus is bold and rank in his speech and says that Jews have no obligation under Jewish law to pay taxes to Caeser than the political supporters of Herad will denounce him to governmental authorities.
Jesus sensed the malice behind the question. So he boldy states: give to the emporer the things that are the emporer’s. Give to God the things that are Gods. Jesus is not defensive about his stance, like my dormmates and I were about Grey’s Anatomy and the Office. I know that I can be tempted to defensive be in discussing politics. Rather Jesus calmly makes a statement that is controversial to everyone. He does not make people choose between loyalty to God or loyalty to the emperor. This is challenging to the way people tended to think in this culture about taxes. Because suddenly, it is not a matter of either you are aligned with Jewish law or governmental law. He makes everybody think and challenges everybody. Whose head is on the denari? Who gives us life???
So, what can we learn from Jesus’s actions today?
Jesus did not take any kind of revenge and he did not get defensive. This story is a story that eventually leads up to his crucifixion on the cross. He did not bite the bait that the Pharisees gave him. Rather, he affirms the current tax law AND endorses his own agenda: which is pointing to God.
This was challenging to the either/or way of thinking that the Pharisees seemed to have. They went away amazed because they probably found themselves challenged. Not only did Jesus not take the bait that they were trying to give him to place him under arrest, they were now posed with a difficult question themselves. What belongs to God???
The Pharisees probably left asking this question of themselves when the Bible says that they were amazed.
In this particular Bible story, I really see how it would be easy to focus on Jesus’ words on thinking about what belongs to God. In fact, I think that the Pharisees were amazed paritially because of the way Jesus framed his words in a way that would have been challenging to them, especially as they were considered to be among the people who were official representatives of Judiasm in their day. They were concerned with what they considered the way of God to be, even if they did see Jesus as a threat to their own way of doing things. Jesus gave them a serious question to consider, are you giving to God the things that are God’s?
They gave Jesus a trick question hoping that it could help them set Jesus up. But Jesus did not take the bait and managed to affirm that it is important to consider God in our actions. We can learn from what Jesus has to say in this situation, yet we can also learn how Jesus handled this situation as well. Instead of giving an immediate reaction, he asked question of why they were asking this of him? Why are you putting me to the test? I think that we can learn from this in our day to day lives on many levels. In my dorm situation that I told you about in the Greys Anatomy and the Office dilemma, asking people why they brought up the topic could have been useful before the conflict ensued. It does get more tricky with more controversial topics, like the upcoming election, however I could take a lesson in stepping back and asking why it was brought up before making a statement that could stop the conversation.
What baffles me is that Jesus made a statement statement that challenged everyone’s way of thinking about the taxes instead of retaliating. I like the way Max Lucado reflects on this particular story, “Did you see what Jesus did not do? He did not retaliate. He did not bite back. He did not say “I’ll get you!! He left the judging to God. He did not take on the task of seeking revenge. He demanded no apology. If ever a person deserved a shot at revenge, Jesus did. But he didn’t take it. Instead he died for them.” My own thought is that Jesus embodies nonviolent living in this story in not fighting back, but asking challenging questions. How often do we really do this in our own lives?
Jesus gives us a good example on how to behave in our interactions with other people. He asserted his stance to give to God’s the things that are God’s but not in a way that threatened the law of taxation but rather upheld it. Think of the last time that you had some kind of conflict with someone. Did you uphold the other person’s perspective or were you more concerned with your own perspective? Were your words guided by fear or anger or were they guided by love and understanding? Now, how do you think that Jesus would have responded?
I doubt that any of us lived the same way Jesus lived in being able to be this calm However that does not mean that we shouldn’t strive to live up to Jesus’s example.
When we treat others with the same kind of grace that Jesus did treated people, we are living out the gospel in our actions to the world. People will get a glimmer of what the grace of God looks like here on earth.
But let’s face it: Jesus was divine and human. We are only human. We will use fighting words, we will fall into the traps of questions that set us up. This is a part of our sinful nature. Yet just because we are sinners does not mean that we shouldn’t strive to live the same way Jesus did. Because we can provide good news to the world by dealing with conflict in a loving way that can make the gospel come to life to the rest of the world.
The good news for us when we fall short of Jesus’s examples for our lives is that God forgives us. God is always generous and forgiving. We may take the bait of sin that is lying out there in the world for us, but God does not fight back but takes the firm stance of forgiveness of our sins. The thing that we may need to be wary of is that God will probably ask challenging questions of us as well, just as Jesus posed questions back to the Pharisees. We may need to come prepared.
Did You Know About Gandhi??????
I just posted this on the Pace e Bene blog, thought it may be of interest:
i am currently reading Gandhi and Jesus: The Saving Power of Nonviolence by Terrence Rynne. I have always been intrigued by the life of Gandhi but I learned a few things about him that I had no clue about before reading Rynne’s book.
For example, did you know that while Gandhi thought Christianity would be more effective if Christians spent less time preaching and more time just living out their faith???
Did you know that Gandhi was deeply inspired by the Biblical Jesus and actually thought that the Sermon on the Mount (the sermon Jesus preached in Matthew 5-7) was the sacred truth that the world yearned for???
I was aware of Gandhi’s Hindu influence but I was not aware of how much the Jesus of the Bible really influenced his stance on nonviolence. In fact, Rynne argued that Gandhi’s idea for a nonviolent society was more in line with the New Testament idea of the Kingdom of God than any other worldview.
Did you know that in Gandhi’s satyagrahi that there is no room for cowardly behavior? Rynne says that “Gandhi maintaine that it was better to be violent than to be a coward, while always maintaining the superiority of nonviolence.” Examples Rynne gave were “defense of the defenseless or the fending off of a robber or even in the ending of a life of unending pain.” Rynne stressed that Gandhi “saw violence and nonviolence as constituting a continuum not as absolute opposites.” Of course, nonviolence is the ideal, but it should not be embraced passively, rather it should be embraced actively.
These were just a few of the things that really struck me about the life of Gandhi while reading this book that I had never known before. They are definitely items that are food for thought as i am a student of life!!!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Are Faith Communities Afraid to Be Challenged By the Gospel???
This is what i just put on my pace e bene blog:
I am currently reading Jesus and the Disinherited by Howard Thurman.
He mentions that “It cannot be denied that too often the weight of the Christian movement has been on the side of the strong and powerful and against the weak and oppressed despite the gospel.” Thurman points out that Jesus WAS in the population that was the oppressed minority for being a poor jew under the Roman empire.
How often is the message portrayed in churches about Jesus not one that uplifts the fact that Jesus himself was a minority?
Recently, in my Old Testament Class with Steed Davidson, he mentioned that Micah is the prophet in the Bible that has the most to say about poverty and injustice. However, churches do not hear this message because in the lectionary cycle, only one of the chapters of Micah is really read in church. The chapters that call for nations to change themselves is not being read.
I can not help but think if the issue regarding Micah and the issue regarding Jesus are similar. How often are the images and messages of the Bible that call us to examine ourselves and work for justice the ones that are not considered central points in church communities???? Do we expect a message of comfort when that is only a portion of what the Bible is about? Are our faith communities afraid to be challenged by these messages???
Friday, October 3, 2008
People Hearing Without Listening
I am loving my new teaching parish and my work with Pace e Bene this year. However while I feel like I have some really good professional communities I am not really so sure how I feel about community on a personal level. While I am looking into counseling and internet dating at the moment and think that these can be very helpful things in my life right now, I do see how we almost put too much weight on these types of relationships. Don't get me wrong, I think that boundaries is very appropriate in any relationship. However sometimes I think that stressing these kinds of relationships as the most appropriate type of relationships to really talk in can also become an excuse for letting friendship merely be at the surface level. Trying to find a significant other and a therapist almost becomes an excuse not to really share things with another person. I think that encouraging these contexts as the only appropriate places takes away from authentic community. I think that there is a certain level of sadness that I have that I realize that this is what it is going to take for me to feel sane in the PLTS community this year. I feel like I have an awesome advisor and I appreciate the friendship of the young man who was at Luther with me this summer. I am very thankful for these people however I want a wider sense of community than this.
I want to share some of my experiences, I am not one to want to put anyone in a negative light by any means. I am a beleiver for taking responsibility for my end of a situation as well, but that does not take away the fact that people say and do things that are hurtful as well. These are some of the things that had made me feel this way.
I do not know when this happened but for some reason I am a much more confident, assertive person this year. I was hoping that this would be to my advantage but I have had a lot of interactions that indicate that my not just taking other people's opinion for fact. But what am I supposed to do when in discussing cross cultural experiences and mentioning I did not go to Africa because I didn't have the money to even though it was my first choice the person I was talking to merely said to me that it takes living simply and taking out loans to do these sort of things. It felt like this person was being naive about what financial situations can really be like. I try to enjoy life but I also am really strict about living within my means as well. And I also knew that I would do summer school this past summer, and I had the unexpected expenses of foot surgery and repairing my car breaks as well. But this person was presenting their argument in a way that made it come off like anyone can do this and I did not want to say anything that would provoke an unnecessary argument.
On another occasion with the discussion of my doing a fourth year internship I mentioned that it felt counterintuitive not to be on internship this year in many ways. I really understand the logic of it as my brain is on overload and I am ready to serve. This person looked to me and said that it is about kairos, not chronos. This means looking at time in seasons and not chronology. It was as though there was an eagerness to give advice and not an interest in asking why I felt this way.
On another occasion, in a discussion on baptism with someone, I mentioned that I do not beleive you need to be baptized in order to be saved. This person looked at me and said, "I hope you did not tell your candidacy committe this." I did not say anything beyond that. However with more conversation it would have come out that I do beleive in the sacraments because they are a communal reminder of what God has done for us. I find it problematic to think that baptism is necessary for salvation if this is about what God has done for us.
One evening I went out with someone I met on Craigslist. I did not pursue it beyond that evening but I had fun. A dorm parent figure asked if the person I was going out with was a Christian. I said no I did not think so. They responded saying that this is a conversation I really should have with someone that I would date. While ideally I would date a Lutheran, I am open to dating people with all kinds of beleifs. Also, I realized if I was being judged on whether or not the person I was about to see was a Christian, then a person would not understand the reasons why I want to be in ministry in the first place.
And recently, I had a conversation with someone about marriage. This person mentioned that they thought it would be natural that marriage would be for life if both parties took seriously their calling as Christians in respect for their neighbor because marriage is really a vocation. While I can be really quiet at times, I am not a shy person. This takes both parties having this philosophy to work, I said. I also mentioned that this does not account for the fact that people grow apart, that people do not always act out of love for each other. What about the fact that we are sinners and the fact that we live in a broken world, I could not help but ask. At this comment, this person just got up and walked away.
In all of these cases, I have tried to act respectfully of the other person and be myself. Maybe the final case I was a little more aggressive, but I found that theology very problematic on many levels and I could not back away from it. In all of these cases, I was trying to offer something of myself in this situation. And all I received was judgement, not grace. I am aware that we are all plagued by sin and that we live in a sense of brokeness that can effect the relationships around us. However I refuse to be apologetic for or back away from who I am. It is probably the most stressful that all of these interactions have taken place in the context of the kitchen that I use in the dorms. I do not feel like I live in an accepting community this year at all which is stressful. And I think of this Simon and Garfunkel song with the line people hearing without listening. I feel like a lot of that goes on. I do not think that anyone ever totally gets this, but I think that some are better at hearing and listening than others are. I do not like to speak ill of other people and I am a beleiver in taking responsibility for my end of a relationship. However a person can only stand so much of this sometimes. I am beginning to feel like a lost voice in the wilderness of Berkeley. I know ministry is not easy but I feel like there should be more of a spirit of cooperation and striving for understanding than there is. I am feeling lonely this year.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Back to Classes!
I think it is going to be helpful to keep this blog this semester because I am deliberating out alot and I really appreciate the prayer support that I know you all give me when you take the time to read this blog.
I am back in the swing of things in Berkeley, CA. It is going to be a busy semester. I am looking for a different teaching parish site to complete my last semester of teaching parish at. I am doing Pace e Bene for an independent study, I am also taking: History and theology of modern church, American Lutheranism, Education, Old Testament. I was enrolled for a Revelation class which I decided to drop because I was not as excited about it as I was my other classes. With trying to get a new TP and in doing Pace e Bene and starting classes I have felt life feel pretty hectic.
I could work all the time if I am not careful. The key I think is going to be treating my commitments like a job that has parameters as much as possible in order to not drive myself crazy. This might not always be easy for me to do because I have a heart for academia. However I might keep myself from going mentally insane by doing this as well. I have my endorsement interview on Monday. Prayers for that please. Also I am working on applying for my internship site as well for next year.
Also, my time in MN this summer was fruitful. I had an amazing experience taking the mission developing class. I heard the most inspiring speaker, Ruben, when I was there. He put me on fire for being a mission oriented pastor. However at that conference I became aware that as much as I love Berkeley I do not feel like it really prepares me to be a pastor in mission. Ruben and I had a chat and he said that it was good that I have been exposed to this kind of church climate so that I am not naive about what is going on there. I am thinking critically as to whether or not I should complete my degree at Luther after this semester. I am feeling stressed out by my debt load (as a pastor I will never make what I need to make to pay back my loans) this year as well. The lower cost of living in the midwest and the fact that I do want to be a missional pastor are things that I am struggling through right now. I do love the GTU and I am on fire for Pace e Bene but I think that this is something worth considering. I think that there is a part of me that wishes that I can stay here quite a bit, however the fact is that I think I sometimes feel lonely in my perspective and being away from my support system (of all of you). The fact is that they do not offer a missional perspective on church out here much. Its one of the ways religion has been secularized out here a bit I think.
There is a lot going on in my life. Seriously, this is as much of a nutshell that I can make it right now. Updates and reflections you may be interested in will be posted on here as time goes by. Prayers are appreciated!
I am back in the swing of things in Berkeley, CA. It is going to be a busy semester. I am looking for a different teaching parish site to complete my last semester of teaching parish at. I am doing Pace e Bene for an independent study, I am also taking: History and theology of modern church, American Lutheranism, Education, Old Testament. I was enrolled for a Revelation class which I decided to drop because I was not as excited about it as I was my other classes. With trying to get a new TP and in doing Pace e Bene and starting classes I have felt life feel pretty hectic.
I could work all the time if I am not careful. The key I think is going to be treating my commitments like a job that has parameters as much as possible in order to not drive myself crazy. This might not always be easy for me to do because I have a heart for academia. However I might keep myself from going mentally insane by doing this as well. I have my endorsement interview on Monday. Prayers for that please. Also I am working on applying for my internship site as well for next year.
Also, my time in MN this summer was fruitful. I had an amazing experience taking the mission developing class. I heard the most inspiring speaker, Ruben, when I was there. He put me on fire for being a mission oriented pastor. However at that conference I became aware that as much as I love Berkeley I do not feel like it really prepares me to be a pastor in mission. Ruben and I had a chat and he said that it was good that I have been exposed to this kind of church climate so that I am not naive about what is going on there. I am thinking critically as to whether or not I should complete my degree at Luther after this semester. I am feeling stressed out by my debt load (as a pastor I will never make what I need to make to pay back my loans) this year as well. The lower cost of living in the midwest and the fact that I do want to be a missional pastor are things that I am struggling through right now. I do love the GTU and I am on fire for Pace e Bene but I think that this is something worth considering. I think that there is a part of me that wishes that I can stay here quite a bit, however the fact is that I think I sometimes feel lonely in my perspective and being away from my support system (of all of you). The fact is that they do not offer a missional perspective on church out here much. Its one of the ways religion has been secularized out here a bit I think.
There is a lot going on in my life. Seriously, this is as much of a nutshell that I can make it right now. Updates and reflections you may be interested in will be posted on here as time goes by. Prayers are appreciated!
Nonviolent Lutheranism Revisited
I just worked through this fabolous book, Engage for my Pace e Bene internship.
In recent news, yes, I got and received the Pace e Bene internship. The projects I am doing with them this semester include transcribing and writing some stories on nonviolence. I will also be reading material as I am interested in the spiritual aspects of nonviolence. When possible I hope to do some kind of nonviolent action and attend events as well. Working at Pace e Bene was probably the major thing that brought me back to Berkeley for the fall. I felt as though there was a lot more on mission, evangelism and emergent ministries at Luther that I do not get at PLTS. That and the friends in my class are off on their internships. God willing I will be on my internship next year. However this puts me at my internship when they return, making this no longer the social circle I have come to appreciate. I am discerning whether or not to continue my full year at PLTS or to put in more time at Luther. It was my passion for nonviolence that has brought me back to Berkeley, if only for one semester.
My intern supervisor told me to feel free to post things on the Pace e Bene blog as well. So I thought I would share with all of you my revisiting of lutheranism and nonviolence. I know this is something I have publically struggled through here so I thought it would be of an interest. Its shorter but the point is just to share some of my thoughts:
Non-Violent Lutheranism:
I just worked through our Engage book as the newer intern here. I am planning on dealing with nonviolence and spirituality a lot this semester. I thought I would share some of my initial thoughts that I have had:
I am Lutheran and I could not help but think of the notions of sin when I think of nonviolence. In my Lutheran tradition we claim that we sin every day and this is part of our humanity. But this does not mean that we should aspire to sin to receive God’s forgiveness either. In fact its best to aspire not to sin when possible. There are frequently cases of deliberating out the greater versus the lesser sin. I think that this is similar to notions of violence as well. We can not escape that we live in a violent culture, however we can try to find ways to live as nonviolently as possible. However we will never live completely nonviolently, yet I think we should aspire to live as nonviolently as possible. In this, following spiritual practices in some kind of way helps us with this nonviolent life.
On Pace e Bene blog:
www.paceebene.org/blog/betsy-dreier/nonviolent-lutheranism
In recent news, yes, I got and received the Pace e Bene internship. The projects I am doing with them this semester include transcribing and writing some stories on nonviolence. I will also be reading material as I am interested in the spiritual aspects of nonviolence. When possible I hope to do some kind of nonviolent action and attend events as well. Working at Pace e Bene was probably the major thing that brought me back to Berkeley for the fall. I felt as though there was a lot more on mission, evangelism and emergent ministries at Luther that I do not get at PLTS. That and the friends in my class are off on their internships. God willing I will be on my internship next year. However this puts me at my internship when they return, making this no longer the social circle I have come to appreciate. I am discerning whether or not to continue my full year at PLTS or to put in more time at Luther. It was my passion for nonviolence that has brought me back to Berkeley, if only for one semester.
My intern supervisor told me to feel free to post things on the Pace e Bene blog as well. So I thought I would share with all of you my revisiting of lutheranism and nonviolence. I know this is something I have publically struggled through here so I thought it would be of an interest. Its shorter but the point is just to share some of my thoughts:
Non-Violent Lutheranism:
I just worked through our Engage book as the newer intern here. I am planning on dealing with nonviolence and spirituality a lot this semester. I thought I would share some of my initial thoughts that I have had:
I am Lutheran and I could not help but think of the notions of sin when I think of nonviolence. In my Lutheran tradition we claim that we sin every day and this is part of our humanity. But this does not mean that we should aspire to sin to receive God’s forgiveness either. In fact its best to aspire not to sin when possible. There are frequently cases of deliberating out the greater versus the lesser sin. I think that this is similar to notions of violence as well. We can not escape that we live in a violent culture, however we can try to find ways to live as nonviolently as possible. However we will never live completely nonviolently, yet I think we should aspire to live as nonviolently as possible. In this, following spiritual practices in some kind of way helps us with this nonviolent life.
On Pace e Bene blog:
www.paceebene.org/blog/betsy-dreier/nonviolent-lutheranism
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Dare I Admit?????
Dare I admit that I have gotten hooked onto Yankee Doodle Dandy? Dare I admit that I love this song??
Maybe this demonstrates that music can have a strong political influence on us if we are not aware of it. I am aware of the militant language behind this. I am aware that much of this story is pro-war, anti-union. A republican would love this. But again, maybe this is an example on how music really appeals to our emotions. I feel so upbeat listening to Cohan. Cohan did communicate a certain level of pride in his country as well. I have been studying nonviolence a lot lately wanting to incorporate this in my life as much as possible. Yet Cohan is very much a part of me that appeals to my little girl sensibilities...
Women's Liberation
I thought that this was a good story on npr on womens liberaton.
Check out:
www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=94240375
Although it kind of begs the question for me as to whether it is "feminist" or not to enjoy partaking in our beauty culture. If I enjoy wearing make-up, I shave my legs and I am conscious of the clothing that I wear at what point am I perpetuating this culture that was deemed oppressive to women and when am I just doing this for my own decisons?I not think that this is where my value is as a women even though I find myself enjoying some parts of this beauty culture. Although I must admit that talking about such things quite abit can be dull to me: I would rather discuss theology than fashion, exchange ideas instead of recipies, imagine the ways that I can enjoy the world as a single woman instead of trying to live up to some desirable mold for a man. However I do enjoy things that are considered very feminine as well too. I think it is more that I do not want to be defined by my sex as much as my ability to live well in this world. In many regards I have reaped the benefits of this movement as I am now a seminary student.
Not too long ago in order to support myself I would have needed to be in nursing or education as the acceptable careers for a woman. I may have also talked myself into a marriage and child rearing because that is just what women did. I think that women married into the professions that they wanted more until recently by being, in my case, the pastors wife. Yet this does not mean now that I have been liberated to pursue this as a career that I would want to be with someone whose life and/or work conflicted with my ministry. I enjoy being a woman.
We still have a long way to go though too. I think frequently as a woman in ministry I am expected to enjoy kids quite a bit. While I do enjoy kids, I do not jump up and down about being around a lot of them either. I think frequently as a woman in ministry I am expected to be more on the emotional ends of things instead of on the intellectual. I am expected to enjoy conversations about shopping, dating, children and food. Those of you who know me well know that I hate small talk and gossip. In my mind, conversations about such things are relegated to small talk and gossip. I actually only enjoy such conversations with women who have intellectualism a part of their life. And women still arent encouraged to be intellectual if they want to be considered on the track for being a wife or a mother. I think that as a woman in ministry sometimes I am halfway expected to be curious about things like children and recipies. As a single woman in ministry I am expected to be a model of celibacy for other women but then if I find a husband without acting seductively I would be applauded. I do not know how to even get people to understand that I would liketo be married if I met someone compatable to me but that I am fine with the idea of not having kids so that I could go out and go to a show or actually have the time to cook a good meal or read a good book. I think that some of my problems with being a woman in ministry is that some of the things expected of me are not disimilar from the underlying societal expectations for someone who would be a wife or a mother. And even if a woman is in these roles I do not think that it is healthy to encourage these kinds of traits over other things. Do we really want a stepford version of church that is almost underlying this church basement lady image? What about women who have gifts for things that are not related to these sort of things, and while my cooking does tend to get applauded, I do not think that I am anywhere near what is expected for me as a woman entering the ministry.
So I am thankful to womens liberation that I am in seminary today as it obviously begun to effect the shape of the church. However I am not sure if I fit into this feminization of religion that has occurred in my favoring intellect. So we still have a long way to go!
Check out:
www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=94240375
Although it kind of begs the question for me as to whether it is "feminist" or not to enjoy partaking in our beauty culture. If I enjoy wearing make-up, I shave my legs and I am conscious of the clothing that I wear at what point am I perpetuating this culture that was deemed oppressive to women and when am I just doing this for my own decisons?I not think that this is where my value is as a women even though I find myself enjoying some parts of this beauty culture. Although I must admit that talking about such things quite abit can be dull to me: I would rather discuss theology than fashion, exchange ideas instead of recipies, imagine the ways that I can enjoy the world as a single woman instead of trying to live up to some desirable mold for a man. However I do enjoy things that are considered very feminine as well too. I think it is more that I do not want to be defined by my sex as much as my ability to live well in this world. In many regards I have reaped the benefits of this movement as I am now a seminary student.
Not too long ago in order to support myself I would have needed to be in nursing or education as the acceptable careers for a woman. I may have also talked myself into a marriage and child rearing because that is just what women did. I think that women married into the professions that they wanted more until recently by being, in my case, the pastors wife. Yet this does not mean now that I have been liberated to pursue this as a career that I would want to be with someone whose life and/or work conflicted with my ministry. I enjoy being a woman.
We still have a long way to go though too. I think frequently as a woman in ministry I am expected to enjoy kids quite a bit. While I do enjoy kids, I do not jump up and down about being around a lot of them either. I think frequently as a woman in ministry I am expected to be more on the emotional ends of things instead of on the intellectual. I am expected to enjoy conversations about shopping, dating, children and food. Those of you who know me well know that I hate small talk and gossip. In my mind, conversations about such things are relegated to small talk and gossip. I actually only enjoy such conversations with women who have intellectualism a part of their life. And women still arent encouraged to be intellectual if they want to be considered on the track for being a wife or a mother. I think that as a woman in ministry sometimes I am halfway expected to be curious about things like children and recipies. As a single woman in ministry I am expected to be a model of celibacy for other women but then if I find a husband without acting seductively I would be applauded. I do not know how to even get people to understand that I would liketo be married if I met someone compatable to me but that I am fine with the idea of not having kids so that I could go out and go to a show or actually have the time to cook a good meal or read a good book. I think that some of my problems with being a woman in ministry is that some of the things expected of me are not disimilar from the underlying societal expectations for someone who would be a wife or a mother. And even if a woman is in these roles I do not think that it is healthy to encourage these kinds of traits over other things. Do we really want a stepford version of church that is almost underlying this church basement lady image? What about women who have gifts for things that are not related to these sort of things, and while my cooking does tend to get applauded, I do not think that I am anywhere near what is expected for me as a woman entering the ministry.
So I am thankful to womens liberation that I am in seminary today as it obviously begun to effect the shape of the church. However I am not sure if I fit into this feminization of religion that has occurred in my favoring intellect. So we still have a long way to go!
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