Attempt to Define Myself

Because of my endorsement essay that I am struggling through on, I have been trying to figure out how I would really try to define myself. For now, I put it on my "about me" on my facebook page as I am always playing on there. I have a love/hate relationship with facebook because it can be a time waster and if not careful a substitute for real human interaction, yet i have found it helpful in maintaining connections with people from school and in constructing a social life for myself here in MN this summer. Its also an easy way to get information out there I want a lot of people to know about. I am not ashamed of anything yet I think that it is a helpful tool for me as I deliberate the public versus private for myself in ministry actually. Sometimes I put things on there and take it off again because I dont think everyone needs to know. Othertimes I kind of hope someone will comment on something that I had just written about myself as well in wanting some kind of interaction about what is on my mind. So its kind of a love/hate relationship I have with facebook. Really this love/hate relationship I have of facebook is not dissimilar to my love/hate relationship of the internet.

Communication has taken a different shape in this internet age. Its faster and more convienent and appeals to my introverted way of processing the world. It appeals to my love of writing and of gathering all kinds of information. But I prefer what I can touch: the phone in my hand in a conversation, a book or magazine on my couch, a friend right in front of me. Having someone or something right in front of me that seems more intimate, as it can be a little slower as it can give me the opportunity to experience things more with my senses. It feels more authentic to me. Yet I do acknowledge that often it is cheaper and a little less time consuming to find information or shop on the internet than it is to go elsewhere. I do acknowledge that facebook and this blog is a great way to stay in touch with people regardless as to where I live that I may have lost touch of otherwise. It seems more real to me to have a relationship or community away from the screen when possible. Yet I have this blog because I realize that this is the best way to share my stories with you friends who i do not get to see that often yet who I want to be involved in my life.

I think that I do have a love/hate relationship with this internet age in which we live. The writer in me enjoys the fact that people can read what I write. I the scholar in me loves the information I can find. Its just that I feel like I need to be able to actually experience things and this is done best when people and things are right in front of me and not having a screen distance us. Yet it connects me with people across the country. This is my love/hate relationship with the internet really.

However I thought that you all may be interested in the self description I have of myself for now that I did write for helping with my endorsement essay, that I did put on my facebook page. I've added and expanded on a few things since then. Here it is:

I feel this sense of paradox in my life frequently:I consider Berkeley, California and St. Paul, Minnesota to be home for very different reasons. I love the Lutheran church enough to want to be a pastor and tend to be very interested in reasons people are disinterested in church and different ways of looking at faith and spirituality. I am intellectually driven, wanting to understand all kinds of aspects of things and to be well read. I want and strive to be well learned. Yet I do have a certain pull to the arts as well with my big loves being literature, theater and music. I am a city girl who enjoys retreating in nature occasionally. I have an abiltiy to hold an idea or an interest and to be intellectually critical of it. I am good at figuring out how to obtain a goal and to try to make the goal happen. I have a pretty good work ethic and in evaluating what really needs to be done well and what is merely frivolous. I want everyone who wants to be included to be included yet I can be picky about who I share information about myself with.I love healthy food yet cant resist chocolate and wine. I do not like a life or enviornment driven by a need for money but I see how it is necessary to survive and enjoy this world. I'd rather really understand an experience or a person than making a lot of money. I question dining out from nutritional, enviornmental and economic distribution perspectives. Yet I enjoy the chances to get out of my home with friends and eat things I do not have the time to make (or wouldnt have thought of on my own). I don’t like to miss the party yet what I really love is good, long 1 on 1 conversations. Much of my adult life I feel like I have had a working class income and middle class values. I appreciate technology's convience yet question the kind of shape our culture is taking in its dependence on it. My friends and family mean everything to me but I tend to be pretty independent in how I live my life. I generally don’t like to own a lot of stuff yet I can not resist owning reading material. I am not a fan of commercial TV but I do enjoy good movies on DVD. I have the mental capacity to read all day but my body isn’t happy if I don’t take the time to do something more active after awhile. (My favorite thing to do is swim). I want this world to be a better place with equality for all people yet I don’t like to take action on things until I have had a chance to consider a cause intellectually and to think of how it is communicated before I go ahead and take a lot of action. I beleive in examining my motives. I appreciate the experiences I have had and the things I have learned in life. However I view this as continous as there are still many experiences I would like to have and things I would like to learn. I view reading things and experiencing things as things I would like my entire life to be about, not just things I have did in school. I find that I care about a lot of people and and am interested in a lot of activities yet have to remind myself that I am only one person and I can’t do it all. This frusterates me because there is a part of me that appreciates knowing a few things well over a little about alot. Yet my heart is too big and my head is too curious to really sucessfully pull this off. This forces me to think about what I really want and need in my life and appreciative of the variety of people I know and experiences I have had. I am only one person who is eager to learn about and experience much of the world. Fortunately I have have a pretty good work ethic. I am good evaluating what really needs to be done well and what is merely frivolous. I am good at managing my resources of time and money effectively for these goals; yet this does not mean I do not dream about other things that I could possibly do or accomplish. I have a pretty good sense of when to work and when to play.My challenge is that I enjoy tasks that are perceived of as “work.”