Internship Assignments: The End of An Era

This week the people in my class got their internship assignments for next year. The odd thing is that save one class I am on track for my academic requirements for seminary. However I am late one semester in field education requirements. Before heading on internship we are required to do three semesters of teaching parish. I started my teaching parish assignment at Shepherd of the Hills this past fall. So next semester will be in my final semester at Shepherd of the Hills, god willing. And instead of anticipating internship stuff and preparing for that, I am trying to figure out what classes I should take for next semester.

I know that things will work out for the good. I know that there is techically no right way to do seminary. However seeing friends get their internship assignments is painful. The reality is that while I see alot of these people regularly now and they are an active part of my life but in a manner of months they will only really be my friends on facebook. The reality is that while I may see them again at workshops, synod assemblies, etc. they will be professional contacts and not friends that I have broken bread with. That is just the harsh reality of the way things tend to turn out. So while I am good at keeping focus on the task at hand and have not had a problem making friends in my adult life, it doesnt take the sadness of the situation away from me. Its like the end of an era that is coming up really.

Its been amazingly intense week with all sorts of other things going on. But I opted to stay in from worship on Wednesday knowing that internship placements would be the hot topic. Its kind of painful. There isnt anything I can do right now to include myself in that context. Which is painful as I have become concious of the way I include and exclude myself from things. And even though I have made new friends and kept busy every step my life has seemed to offer me, it doesnt take away the sadness of knowing that good bye is around the corner. Its probably not permanant, but we will no longer live amongst each other and enjoy the intimacies that is shared with that. I have been grieving alot lately about this I suppose. I know I will get through this, it just doesnt take away from the pain.