Adventures In My Own Apartment

I actually have my own apartment this semester, which I LOVE. I have never lived completely on my own before, and I find that I enjoy it quite a bit. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills---these are all things that i have done before, but for the first time I am the one who is in charge of everything and I absolutely love it. Its not without its challenges, my first night in the apartment I did not have any heat in my apartment and it was really cold that night. Then there was the day that my shower rod fell out of the shower and then when I went to go to my closet, the closet door fell out. There was also the day that I lost my apartment keys after doing a major grocery store run after being in a psychotherapy appointment. I wound up making phone calls from a friend's apartment and having my landlord let me into my apartment for much of the weekend before I got a new set of keys. So its not like it has been a flawless experience by any means, but it is an adventure that i quite enjoy.

In living on my own, I have become more aware of what my own quirks are. I have found that I absolutely love being by myself on the couch while playing a DVD after a long day. The new found addiction I have is to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." (thanks to netflix i am in the middle of season 5).

I have found TV shows that I enjoy before, but for some reason "Buffy" reminds me of being a young girl again, as it is the sort of story i would have been obsessed with when I was younger. When I bring this up, I often hear other women say "isn't Angel so hot?" And while he is not bad to look at, he is not the one I would have crushed after as a young girl. In high school, I often imagined that I was like Buffy, finding ways to heroically save the day. And in high school, I would have had a huge crush on Giles, the really smart, bookish librarian who is also really sweet as he appeals to my brainy side that wants to be treated like a lady. I would also have had a crush on Spike, the vampire who specifically wants to be bad, but seems to often reluctantly do the right thing, and as the bad guy sometimes he is able to get away with more blunt observations that everyone else is reluctant to say.

While these are some interesting observations I have about my reactions to other people's reactions on my interest in the show, the real reason why I am drawn to the show is because of Buffy. Buffy fights for herself, and she is the one to be more likely to save the guy, not the other way around. She is no damsel in distress. I have often imagined being like Buffy for as long as I can remember. When I told my mother this, she said that it reminded her of the book The Paperbag Princess. I scored a copy of this book as it seemed fitting to have it in my apartment as I adore the fact that the princess goes to save the prince and when he does not like how she looks while doing this, they decide not to get married. That's more of the way that I have tended to imagine myself being. Being bookworm and a movie buff, sometimes I have to suspend some of my feminist tendencies for certain genres. (I am clearly not a fan of the damsel in distress) And its refreshing not to have to do this for "Buffy". And I love that the plot lines tend to be more of a fantasy plot as well as I have always loved stories of magic and adventure, and battles between good and evil. The evil vampire theme reminds me of my love of stories about evil witches as a young child.

So the show reminds me of being a young girl again in a good way, as it reminds me of a lot of the things I gravitated towards as a young girl. And there is something symbolic I think about being addicted to a show about a strong woman who can fight for herself in the first time that I have my own place.

I also find that I like it quiet quite a bit around here when the TV is not on. It is not only easier to work that way, but it is really pleasant when it is quiet. I have been able to lose myself in thought over my studies and I have been able to get into my own world of imagination again. I have developed ideas for some creative writing pieces that I would love to pursue, however my academic studies seem to take a vast majority of my energy for writing for right now. Yet, when I do listen to music, I notice that I listen to a lot of classical music. I was telling someone the other day that when I listen to Mozart, my cyncism about romantic love fades away, because there is something about listening to Mozart that makes me feel like I am near to one of the most beautiful things in the world that I have never tired of at all. My apartment could use to have nicer floors and bathroom tiling. Its obvious that it is a lower income apartment. But when I am listening to Mozart I feel like the richest woman in the world.

I love having my own kitchen as well. No roommates to have to deal with at all. I find that I love to work in my kitchen when I get the chance, as I find the process to feel very thereputic and healthy. I find that I generally like to keep the kitchen pretty clean, willingness to not pick up after myself indicates exhaustion, which I was feeling a lot before the break. Fortunately, I do not have enough dishes to let them pile up for more than a day. The exception is if I lived only off of wine, as I have plenty of wine glasses as a result of a nice birthday gift from my brother and several trips to Napa. I eat a lot of homemade hummus, because it is cheap. However I feel classy doing this in my own kitchen while listening to Mozart!

It is also liberating to not feel like I need to leave when I do not feel like talking to people. Its nice to have a place where I can make my own cup of tea and light a candle while I am working. However, I still find that I study outside the house sometimes as I have too many possible introverted adventures in my apartment that come in the form of my netflixed Buffy DVDs and my New Yorker that come every week, novels in my bedroom, things that I want to make in my kitchen.

My favorite Rogers and Hammerstein song is "In My Own Little Corner" from their "Cinderella". Cinderella sings "In my own little corner, in my own little chair, I can be whatever I want to be..." There is something about that which makes me think of having my own apartment. I am never lacking for adventures here, as I enjoy having my own little corner that I enjoy living in.

However, I am always willing to invite people inside as well, but it feels nice inviting them instead of merely trying to coexist with them. I make sure that I always have ice cream and wine, as the intent of them is to have something to offer in hospitality. However, it is nice that these are things that I don't complain about enjoying by myself either.