I Still Remember When 30 Was Old....

I just got this in some kind of email list that I am on in dating after 30. I thought it was a very applicable article to my shifting attitudes towards dating. Well, I am 28 years old, so I am not quite 30 yet. However I think that my attitudes towards dating are more in this category for a variety of reasons:
1) 30 is no longer that far away for me.

2) I have been in a variety of relationships which have indicated to me things that I can and can not live without. And reflecting over what did and did not work well has made me think critically about the way I want to handle things differently and how I want someone to deal with me differently. Disclaimers: There are some things that are deal breakers, however some things are negotiable with the right person. No one is perfect, but they should bring out my best side, and not my worst side.

3) Oddly enough, claiming my pastoral identity more has made me want to have a stable, mature relationship even more.

4) While there are some problems in equality when thinking about marriage (it can be used to define women in oppressive roles, the rights that go along with marriage are denied to homosexuals), I am entering into a profession that is pro-marriage, and this is a standard that is set even more so for clergy members than it is for average church go-ers. Despite my mixed feelings toward marriage, because I am entering a job that is pro-marriage, I am going to be more likely to want to invest my time on a relationship that has the potentiality for marriage. Ultimately I do not view marriage as a goal as much as enjoying each other's company. However, I will get in less trouble on any issues relating to this if I sniff out dating for the sake of dating and really liking the other person and making sure that they like me as well early on. Tricky, I know. However I think that this definitely puts me more in a 30+ attitude toward dating than it does an early 20s attitude towards dating according to this article.

Disclaimer about the article: There are some very liberal attitudes towards sexuality in the article that the ELCA does not endorse. So I will practice ambiguity by saying this: Look beyond the issues of sex outside the context of marriage and the other issues that might be applicable after 30 anyway. Regardless of all of this, it makes me feel better about still being in the dating field at my age...

TEN REASONS WHY DATING IS BETTER AFTER 30
by Amy Waterman

10. You don't have to worry about sneaking home at night and waking your parents. One of the best things about dating when you're in your thirties is that you are responsible for yourself. You can stay up late, invite him to your house for a nightcap, or stay over at his house without guilt. It's your decision, because it's your life.

9. You can afford nicer restaurants than McDonald's. I still remember my first date. We shared a strawberry milkshake at McDonald's, and I was so starry-eyed with infatuation that anything would have tasted like ambrosia. Fortunately, my dinner dates these days are much healthier and better suited to romance. (Betsy's seminary student comment: if he makes more money than me and is paying)

8. You're into something more than getting trashed on weekends. By the time most of us reach our thirties, the novelty of getting drunk every weekend has usually worn off. Curling up next to one another on the sofa and watching a movie can feel just as pleasurable as clubbing until dawn.

7. You know a bit more about life and love. One of the scariest things about dating when you're a teenager is starting out from a state of ignorance. We're not born knowing how it all works. As exciting as it feels to kiss a boy for the first time, that heady hormonal rush is tempered by anxiety. Very few people get through their early dating years without feeling paralyzed by a horrible fear of messing up. That's why it's so nice to have enough experience to be realistic about the whole process: dating can be disappointing, exciting, embarrassing, and exhilarating - sometimes all at the same time!

6. You no longer put up with the bullshit. By the time you reach your thirties, you've gained a little wisdom when it comes to relationships. You can call a spade a spade. You value yourself enough to say "no" to a bad situation.

5. You can play the "Mrs. Robinson" card. If it's good enough for Demi Moore, it's good enough for us! There's nothing more fun than being the naughty "older" woman. You may even find that a lot of younger men are dreaming of a Mrs. Robinson to initiate them into the ways of love.

4. Your relationship has a greater chance of lasting. Compared with couples who marry as teenagers or in their early twenties, your relationship will stand a greater chance of lasting if you wait to marry until AT LEAST your mid-twenties. This makes sense intuitively as well as statistically. When you marry at an older age, you know yourself better. You know what you can live with. You are both more financially stable. You've had enough dating experience to build some relationship skills.

3. The sex is better. Whereas the male sex drive peaks in his late teens, the female sex drive is only revving up. Women hit their stride in their thirties, a period that often coincides with a greater body acceptance and a more relaxed attitude towards what happens in bed.

2. You can see what you're getting with him. When you're dating in your teens and twenties, the energy and ambition of youth makes it difficult to clearly see who your partner will actually turn out to be. The young man who goes to Stanford for a business degree may drop out to flip burgers and play in a band. The local jock may become the paunchy middle manager whose idea of flexing his arm muscles is lifting a beer glass. Luckily, by the time a man reaches his thirties, his lifestyle choices will give you a good indication of where he sees himself going in life.

1. You've got more going on in your life than him. Yes, for me the best part about being 30+ is that life is so much fuller, richer, and more satisfying than ever before. Whether you have a relationship or not, you've created a life that you can be proud of. You no longer depend on a man for your sense of self-worth. Dating is part of your life but not everything. As a result, relationships become something wonderful to be valued when you have them, but not despaired over when you don't.