I am the one with the power.
I am the one with the power who choose whether or not I interact with a person on the street.
I am the one with the power to decide whether or not they seem like a safe or an unsafe person when I choose to interact with them.
I am the one with the power when I avoid a person in order to stay safe because my hunch tells me to.
I am the one with the power to give them money or to not give them money when someone asks for it.
I am the one with the power who decides not to give a person money when I have a hunch that they will use it for alcohol or drugs.
I am the one with the power who decides how much money to give to a person when they ask for it whether I give them a dime from my wallet or a dollar bill.
I am the one with the power who decides whether or not to give that money to a person or to walk down the street further to buy a beer for myself.
I am the one with the power to be able to go into the bookstore and buying something used and still have enough money to eat
I am the one with the power when I realize that I have limitations on how I can and can not help someone
I am the one with the power when I realize that we are all children of God regardless of how much or how little money we have.
I am the one with the power when I act out of love that does not care about economic status.
I am the one with the power when I ask God for forgiveness when I realize that I avoided someone else’s needs.
I am the one with the power.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
It's The End Of The World As We Know It
I am in the homestretch of my semester. Right now, it is in the midst of the final project craziness that I haven't necessarily gotten to yet in the midst of things like internship prep and self care. However, I must admit that in realizing that this is my last semester being a full time student in Berkeley, I can not help but think of this particular song. Yes, its kind of the end of the world as I know it in terms of managing life to fit around the multiple demands of student-hood. Yet, lately, the more I have been thinking about it, I realize that I actually feel fine about this. I am excited to embark on the new adventure of full time ministry. It won't always be easy, but I am ready for the new adventure. I realize that I might make some different choices in the life of internship on how i spend my time and money than i do right now. But the truth is that I feel fine with the fact that I am reaching the end of my time in Berkeley....
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Ironically, I am posting this on the internet.....
Sometimes I feel a little apathetic for the fact that I can not process things as well as I feel like I should when I am reading it on an internet page. I have spent a lot of money on printer paper this semester as I have had professors trying to be earth friendly and placing readings on the internet, because I just can not focus the way I need to when I am reading something off a computer screen. If my mind is about to start wandering, facebook, my netflix account, my email and youtube is only just a click away. And its easy for me to want to look at links that are similar when I am actually very interested in what I am reading, and so as a result, I wind up spending too much time trying to find as many resources as I can and not enough time really trying to comprehend.
I kind of became aware of these habits, and I have advocated for a push AWAY from the computer whenever possible for getting work done. Its a useful tool, but I want to use it, and I do not want it to use me. I find that I need to take a sabbath from the internet.I find some things on there very convienent and useful.
However, I will never forget this semester when my computer needed to be taken to the computer emergency room, actually feeling RELEIVED. Well, it was annoying with the work that I actually needed to get done on the internet. However, I found myself going to the library to print out the things that I needed printed out. I just sat down at the end of the day and watched "Buffy" on DVD which is what I really wanted to do with my spare time anyway. The next day, while I did have to run errands, I went on a walk. In an odd way, I felt a lot better for all of this. I tried to bring up some questions with people about the way we let the internet rule our lives. Are we not really processing the information? How are we really spending our time? Are we really being creative and engaged in the world? I got a lot of resistance on some of these ideas that I found myself questioning, telling me that we live in a digital age, and that I need to accept this, especially if I am going to be a pastor in this day and age.
I am not one to be completely against the use of the internet, but I do have a level of skepticism with the effects that it has on me. Last summer, I read this article in a PRINT version of the Atlantic:
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=32924989978&h=BbrwA&u=vP-zg&ref=mf
I think that it brings up some interesting points in the way people process information in our digitial age. Maybe it scares me just a little bit, because if I ever have kids, I would want them to love to read Shakespeare just as much as I do. And I feel ironic posting this on my blog, but I have always made an effort to really be honest about what my thought process is on here...
I kind of became aware of these habits, and I have advocated for a push AWAY from the computer whenever possible for getting work done. Its a useful tool, but I want to use it, and I do not want it to use me. I find that I need to take a sabbath from the internet.I find some things on there very convienent and useful.
However, I will never forget this semester when my computer needed to be taken to the computer emergency room, actually feeling RELEIVED. Well, it was annoying with the work that I actually needed to get done on the internet. However, I found myself going to the library to print out the things that I needed printed out. I just sat down at the end of the day and watched "Buffy" on DVD which is what I really wanted to do with my spare time anyway. The next day, while I did have to run errands, I went on a walk. In an odd way, I felt a lot better for all of this. I tried to bring up some questions with people about the way we let the internet rule our lives. Are we not really processing the information? How are we really spending our time? Are we really being creative and engaged in the world? I got a lot of resistance on some of these ideas that I found myself questioning, telling me that we live in a digital age, and that I need to accept this, especially if I am going to be a pastor in this day and age.
I am not one to be completely against the use of the internet, but I do have a level of skepticism with the effects that it has on me. Last summer, I read this article in a PRINT version of the Atlantic:
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=32924989978&h=BbrwA&u=vP-zg&ref=mf
I think that it brings up some interesting points in the way people process information in our digitial age. Maybe it scares me just a little bit, because if I ever have kids, I would want them to love to read Shakespeare just as much as I do. And I feel ironic posting this on my blog, but I have always made an effort to really be honest about what my thought process is on here...
Monday, April 13, 2009
Simpsons Don't Make Fun of Grad Students
Saw this posted on facebook by someone and it is probably the most I have laughed in a long time. Figured that this is something that would be appreciated by this crowd
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
INTERNSHIP ASSIGNMENT
Hey friends. I thought that I would let you know that I got my internship assignment today. And...I am going to be at the North Dakota State University in conjunction with doing parish ministry at Elim Lutheran Church in Fargo, North Dakota!!!
Honestly, my initial reaction was to kind of cry a little bit. I am NOT looking forward to facing winter full time again by any means, and my main driving phobia remains to be driving in snow and ice. And I am a little worried that I might be prone to being a little sore with all the broken bones that I have had during the winter months as well.
Also, I realized that my heart was set on NOT going back to the mid-west but in living somewhere completely different. However, I felt like I needed to get past geography and look at the kinds of ministries that I could be a part of, and the idea of doing joint campus ministry and parish ministry seemed very appealing to me because I want the chance to actually work in a real parish setting, but I also like the idea quite a bit of working with college students.
However, I am honestly looking forward to doing the work quite a bit. For my mission impossible class, I am actually doing my final project on Lutheran mission to young adults, which strikes me as maybe fitting quite a bit for me.
Its funny, because I have been playing this what if game with myself these days about what my life would have been if I made different choices. I remain fully convinced that had I known I was going to go to seminary eventually I often have thought that I probably would have attended a university to get an undergraduate degree in creative writing or in musical theater along with a degree in peace studies or women's studies. Because I realized that the main reason why I did not pursue these kinds of studies in my undergraduate degree was not a lack of interest in them as much as it was wanting to do something other than wait tables, and I wanted to be able to support myself.
I also struggled quite a bit in running in campus ministry circles when I was in college as I realized that I really wanted to be in christian community but that piety regarding alcohol and sexuality I found stifling as my morality tended to be based more on economic justice and our globalized world. (and the ways i did live up to this had more to do with my busy schedule than with piety...) But I wanted to be a part of christian community so badly, and I stuck with it and I found it formulative in other ways. And honestly, I think it was encouragement from campus pastors that probably made me feel like I should consider seminary in the first place.
I came at this quite honestly in my interview, and actually, I think that the honest assessment of this and not looking at college and college ministries in particular with rosy colored glasses is one of the big things that got me this particular placement. I think I got along well with the supervisors well and I felt that I would enjoy working with them but that they would challenge me as well.
However, the more I think about all of this, the more I am feeling quite excited as well too. I think that I would enjoy and benefit from working in a university setting. I have been thinking a lot lately about taking theater and/or dance classes and read things because they sound interesting to me, not just because they are assigned. I have been wanting to hang out with non-church people these days. I think that I might have more of these kinds of resources at my finger tips in a university setting.
And my gifts IN ministry are things that I think would go well in a college setting as I encourage the exploration of difficult questions, as I really like to push on finding links between church and society. I think that college students are busy but they would not have the kind of commitments that would prevent them from taking a moral stance against the school of americas or in considering going and doing a service trip on their time off in a way that I have observed is not always easy to do once one has children, a spouse and/or a full time job.
Also, college is a VERY exciting time in terms of personal development which I think can be synonmous with one's understanding of spirituality. This is when people start to think about what they want to accept or reject from the worldview that they grew up with. Its actually a life long process, but this is when it truly begins. This is also whe people generally start thinking seriously about what they really want to do in this world versus what they do not want to do and what they would do for fun. These questions are truly exciting and the way they effect one's religious journey could be fascinating.
The fact that I would be doing parish ministry as well is exciting too. I will be more exposed more to things that go on in the life of an actual congregation in the capacity of my own pastoral identity which is exciting to me as well.
The more I thought about all of this, honestly even if they were not my first choice initially, I have a hunch that i was their first choice. And it kind of hit me that college ministries is probably a little more competitive to get into than general parish ministry and I landed the opportunity to do this on my INTERNSHIP. I realize that I am excited about the ministry, but I am not thrilled about the geography of North Dakota.
However the truth in the matter is that I may need to get over my driving in snow phobia for a lot of locations for doing ministry. Even if it is a place with good public transportation, ministry is very relational and entails being able to visit people in their homes as well as being able to visit someone unexpectedly in the emergency room one minute before heading to the gym or a rehearsal of some sort for my own sanity before I have that dinner that I was invited to. As a result, getting over my driving in snow phobia might do wonders for what I can accomplish in ordained ministry.
The other truth is that Fargo, North Dakota is a lot closer to the Twin Cities, and its the point of realization that some of my dearest friends and the best theater I have ever seen are in a drivable proximity from Fargo as well!
The other thing is that I was having anxieties about what I was going to do before internship and since its a very drivable distance from MN, I can keep things at my parents apartments and borrow less money from my parents in the short interim time that I will have, as I honestly won't have enough time off to find much for work, especially in this economy.
And I can honestly say....God is good, I am excited, and its all going to turn out for the best. Now I just need to finish my semester sucessfully!
Honestly, my initial reaction was to kind of cry a little bit. I am NOT looking forward to facing winter full time again by any means, and my main driving phobia remains to be driving in snow and ice. And I am a little worried that I might be prone to being a little sore with all the broken bones that I have had during the winter months as well.
Also, I realized that my heart was set on NOT going back to the mid-west but in living somewhere completely different. However, I felt like I needed to get past geography and look at the kinds of ministries that I could be a part of, and the idea of doing joint campus ministry and parish ministry seemed very appealing to me because I want the chance to actually work in a real parish setting, but I also like the idea quite a bit of working with college students.
However, I am honestly looking forward to doing the work quite a bit. For my mission impossible class, I am actually doing my final project on Lutheran mission to young adults, which strikes me as maybe fitting quite a bit for me.
Its funny, because I have been playing this what if game with myself these days about what my life would have been if I made different choices. I remain fully convinced that had I known I was going to go to seminary eventually I often have thought that I probably would have attended a university to get an undergraduate degree in creative writing or in musical theater along with a degree in peace studies or women's studies. Because I realized that the main reason why I did not pursue these kinds of studies in my undergraduate degree was not a lack of interest in them as much as it was wanting to do something other than wait tables, and I wanted to be able to support myself.
I also struggled quite a bit in running in campus ministry circles when I was in college as I realized that I really wanted to be in christian community but that piety regarding alcohol and sexuality I found stifling as my morality tended to be based more on economic justice and our globalized world. (and the ways i did live up to this had more to do with my busy schedule than with piety...) But I wanted to be a part of christian community so badly, and I stuck with it and I found it formulative in other ways. And honestly, I think it was encouragement from campus pastors that probably made me feel like I should consider seminary in the first place.
I came at this quite honestly in my interview, and actually, I think that the honest assessment of this and not looking at college and college ministries in particular with rosy colored glasses is one of the big things that got me this particular placement. I think I got along well with the supervisors well and I felt that I would enjoy working with them but that they would challenge me as well.
However, the more I think about all of this, the more I am feeling quite excited as well too. I think that I would enjoy and benefit from working in a university setting. I have been thinking a lot lately about taking theater and/or dance classes and read things because they sound interesting to me, not just because they are assigned. I have been wanting to hang out with non-church people these days. I think that I might have more of these kinds of resources at my finger tips in a university setting.
And my gifts IN ministry are things that I think would go well in a college setting as I encourage the exploration of difficult questions, as I really like to push on finding links between church and society. I think that college students are busy but they would not have the kind of commitments that would prevent them from taking a moral stance against the school of americas or in considering going and doing a service trip on their time off in a way that I have observed is not always easy to do once one has children, a spouse and/or a full time job.
Also, college is a VERY exciting time in terms of personal development which I think can be synonmous with one's understanding of spirituality. This is when people start to think about what they want to accept or reject from the worldview that they grew up with. Its actually a life long process, but this is when it truly begins. This is also whe people generally start thinking seriously about what they really want to do in this world versus what they do not want to do and what they would do for fun. These questions are truly exciting and the way they effect one's religious journey could be fascinating.
The fact that I would be doing parish ministry as well is exciting too. I will be more exposed more to things that go on in the life of an actual congregation in the capacity of my own pastoral identity which is exciting to me as well.
The more I thought about all of this, honestly even if they were not my first choice initially, I have a hunch that i was their first choice. And it kind of hit me that college ministries is probably a little more competitive to get into than general parish ministry and I landed the opportunity to do this on my INTERNSHIP. I realize that I am excited about the ministry, but I am not thrilled about the geography of North Dakota.
However the truth in the matter is that I may need to get over my driving in snow phobia for a lot of locations for doing ministry. Even if it is a place with good public transportation, ministry is very relational and entails being able to visit people in their homes as well as being able to visit someone unexpectedly in the emergency room one minute before heading to the gym or a rehearsal of some sort for my own sanity before I have that dinner that I was invited to. As a result, getting over my driving in snow phobia might do wonders for what I can accomplish in ordained ministry.
The other truth is that Fargo, North Dakota is a lot closer to the Twin Cities, and its the point of realization that some of my dearest friends and the best theater I have ever seen are in a drivable proximity from Fargo as well!
The other thing is that I was having anxieties about what I was going to do before internship and since its a very drivable distance from MN, I can keep things at my parents apartments and borrow less money from my parents in the short interim time that I will have, as I honestly won't have enough time off to find much for work, especially in this economy.
And I can honestly say....God is good, I am excited, and its all going to turn out for the best. Now I just need to finish my semester sucessfully!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Senioritis
I have really enjoyed being a student, but I have found myself craving to put the books down a little bit. It is Friday, which is always the day that I always set aside for my mental clarity; but that generally consists of taking care of things in my apartment and watching DVDs. Then, if I feel like it I go to social gatherings.
I have been really good at being responsible and dedicated as a student and developing some healthy habits, however, I find myself craving some of the things that I put aside to be a successful student. I miss doing theater; I am aware that worship has a lot of theatrical qualities to it, however I guess I have come to miss the process of putting a play together. I have thought about taking acting or dance classes while I am on internship as a means to start to get back into it again and to meet non church people. I miss reading for fun; I enjoy what I am reading for my classes, but I miss having more freedom to read what I want to when I come home from work the way I did when I worked at Target. I also feel really behind in being attentive to current events; as it feels like my classes seem to take up much of my mental energy. I also feel like my social world in Berkeley is kind of limited to the seminary people and while in some regards it has been kind of nice knowing that I do share a certain level of ideological ground with people, I kind of miss having more diversity in my social circle.
I totally anticipate internship and ordained ministry as things that might be emotionally draining for me at times and that I will still need days like today. (ultimately, my sabbath) However, I am looking forward to picking these other aspects of myself up again that I have put on the shelf to be a successful student. I have been reflecting on this a little bit lately in light of a dream that I had over my spring break. I honestly think that I have done everything I have needed to do to be a healthy, sucessful student. I realize a lot of the things that I voiced interest in can be used within the context of the church, but I guess I want activities that are not explictly church activities as well. So in that regard I feel very ready to be more in the "real world" than in the world of student ville.
The other thing is I have loved being academically driven in my studies. My first few years here I found myself very eager to be engaged in these discussions in a classroom. I do find my classes enjoyable and pertinent to what I want and need to know as a future minister. However, I find myself wondering what people who may not have a theological education might think about these things, whether they are in the church or outside of the church. But in a funny sense, I think that the minute that I started to be interested in these kinds of questions, that is when I knew that I am ready to go on internship next year as well. I guess to me that is an indication that I really do care about the needs of the world, and not just having conversations comfortably with other people who have made studying theology a priority as well. However, the fact that it seems to take more effort for me to crack open the books these days I think is an indication of senioritis.
I find out about internship next week. I am feeling both excited and scared when I think of this next step, as I deliberate out what it is going to mean for me, as a single woman in ministry whose ministry seems to lean a lot more for prophetic/social justice type of work and whose outside interests are in the arts. I realize that there is a lot of who I am that I am ready to tap into in multiple ways. However, right now the future kind of seems blank, which breeds uncertainty and excitement. I have accomplished a lot and I have come a long way. However, right now I think that I would diagnose myself with a case of senioritis.
I have been really good at being responsible and dedicated as a student and developing some healthy habits, however, I find myself craving some of the things that I put aside to be a successful student. I miss doing theater; I am aware that worship has a lot of theatrical qualities to it, however I guess I have come to miss the process of putting a play together. I have thought about taking acting or dance classes while I am on internship as a means to start to get back into it again and to meet non church people. I miss reading for fun; I enjoy what I am reading for my classes, but I miss having more freedom to read what I want to when I come home from work the way I did when I worked at Target. I also feel really behind in being attentive to current events; as it feels like my classes seem to take up much of my mental energy. I also feel like my social world in Berkeley is kind of limited to the seminary people and while in some regards it has been kind of nice knowing that I do share a certain level of ideological ground with people, I kind of miss having more diversity in my social circle.
I totally anticipate internship and ordained ministry as things that might be emotionally draining for me at times and that I will still need days like today. (ultimately, my sabbath) However, I am looking forward to picking these other aspects of myself up again that I have put on the shelf to be a successful student. I have been reflecting on this a little bit lately in light of a dream that I had over my spring break. I honestly think that I have done everything I have needed to do to be a healthy, sucessful student. I realize a lot of the things that I voiced interest in can be used within the context of the church, but I guess I want activities that are not explictly church activities as well. So in that regard I feel very ready to be more in the "real world" than in the world of student ville.
The other thing is I have loved being academically driven in my studies. My first few years here I found myself very eager to be engaged in these discussions in a classroom. I do find my classes enjoyable and pertinent to what I want and need to know as a future minister. However, I find myself wondering what people who may not have a theological education might think about these things, whether they are in the church or outside of the church. But in a funny sense, I think that the minute that I started to be interested in these kinds of questions, that is when I knew that I am ready to go on internship next year as well. I guess to me that is an indication that I really do care about the needs of the world, and not just having conversations comfortably with other people who have made studying theology a priority as well. However, the fact that it seems to take more effort for me to crack open the books these days I think is an indication of senioritis.
I find out about internship next week. I am feeling both excited and scared when I think of this next step, as I deliberate out what it is going to mean for me, as a single woman in ministry whose ministry seems to lean a lot more for prophetic/social justice type of work and whose outside interests are in the arts. I realize that there is a lot of who I am that I am ready to tap into in multiple ways. However, right now the future kind of seems blank, which breeds uncertainty and excitement. I have accomplished a lot and I have come a long way. However, right now I think that I would diagnose myself with a case of senioritis.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Blogging Spring Break
Hey everyone...I am on my break right now and I realize that I haven't written much in a while. I have been enjoying life and there has been a lot going on. I thought I would write an overview of what is going on as best as possible. So "Adventures In My Own Apartment" and "Living in the Question" are things that I just wrote as a basic update as to where I am at right now. Please start with Living in the Question, as that has more serious prayer requests, while Adventures in My Own Apartment is meant to be a more fun update. I love and miss you all!
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